


Novocaine

by Winter_Oswin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Has No Chill, Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Exy (All For The Game), Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Blue Sargent has issues, Blue has tree powers, Crossover, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt Blue Sargent, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's a shame, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, M/M, Neil Josten is Not Fine, Post-Canon, Protective Andrew Minyard, Protective Neil Josten, Recreational Drug Use, Ronan Lynch & Blue Sargent Friendship, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, There are barely and Blue tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21745075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Oswin/pseuds/Winter_Oswin
Summary: The story is over. Ronan and his friends won. They killed the demon, they saved Gansey, their fight should be done. Things should be easier from here. So why is Ronan still restless? Still unsatisfied? Why is Adam still trapped and why does he not let anyone help him? Why is Bblue threatening to fall apart under a burden that no one else seems to notice?Things aren't okay and Ronan doesn't know how to fix them. Might as well try a change of scenery. Right? Wrong. Joining the Palmetto Foxes turns out to bring more problems than solutions. At least they are used to everything going to shit by now.
Relationships: Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Andrew Minyard & Adam Parrish, Henry Cheng/Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Neil Josten & Ronan Lynch, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Ronan Lynch & Andrew Minyard, Ronan Lynch & Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 40
Kudos: 274





	1. I keep it coming so I feel no pain

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. I just finished AFTG and found out that there is a depressing lack of long multichaptered RC crossover fics so I'm changing that.
> 
> This is gonna be Ronan, Adam, Blue, Neil and Andrew centric but the other characters will be in it, too. The story is gonna handle a lot of sensitive issues but that shouldn't be a surprise. It does revolve around the Foxes. But I still wanted to remind you to mind the tags and they will get updated as I write. 
> 
> Onto the changes I made to canon. It's mostly the same except for a few points. All the changes I made are needed for the plot I have planned. 
> 
> 1\. Ronan went to Juvie once because he was repeatedly caught racing and in carrying drugs.
> 
> 2\. Adam is still deaf in one ear but he never got his dad arrested and never escaped him.
> 
> 3\. Greenmantle isn't dead.
> 
> 4\. Mr Grey didn't kill his brother.
> 
> 5\. Blue has tree powers, nothing too flashy, she's just slightly more inhuman.
> 
> 6\. Blue, Gansey and Henry are throuple
> 
> 7\. Noah is gone but the Gangsey still remembers him.
> 
> 8\. Ronan had a short fling with Kavinsky during Dream Thieves 
> 
> 9\. Kavisky isn't dead either
> 
> That should be all for now. If anyone wants to hot me up, you can find me on Insta by the name @dead_cherry_bitch and my Tumblr is dead-cherry-bitch

Wymack could see why Neil had his eyes sat on Ronan Lynch. When Wymack first read what they had on the boy he was unimpressed.

Born into privilege, raised around money and prestige, also a trouble maker. That alone wouldn't have been enough to convince Wymack that he deserved a spot on their team. It wasn't his job to teach entitled brats how to behave. He wanted to give second chances to people who needed them.

But beyond the first look Ronan turned out to be way more interesting than his facade. First, his father was murdered and according to the file Ronan was the one that found him. Then he and his brothers got locked out of their home and away from their mother. Like multiple Foxes, Ronan had a record, too. Mostly drag racing and drug posession. Apparently he'd even gone to Juvie for a month after being caught with illegal substances one too many times. The latest addition to his record was a 72 hour long trip to a psych ward after a failed suicide attempt.

Since then he seemed to have mellowed out a bit but kid was still a problem. This wasn't a brat, acting out. Ronan was either screaming for help in the only way he knew how to, or he was someone with absolutely no regard for what was happening to him. Both cases were familiar, both cases were equally tragic.

Pair that with his insane Exy stats and he was a perfect fit for next year's line-up . And he wasn't the only possible candidate from the Aglionby-Raven's Exy team. Wymack himself had picked the other one.

Adam Parrish. The coach at Aglionby had made Wymack aware of Adam. He was the absolute opposite of Ronan, at least on paper. The Coach had told Wymack about Adam's insane work ethic. The kid was top of almost all his classes while working several jobs to pay his tuition. His coach mentioned that he sometimes wasn't sure if Parrish ever slept or if all he could do was work. He also expressed his concern for Adam's home life.

"We don't have any confirmation on that and Adam always refuses to talk about it but the faculty worries that he might have abusive parents. There is no evidence except for unexplained bruises and just a general worry for his well being but it might be a possibility.", the email the coach send Wymack said. The kid wasn't as natural at Exy as Lynch but ten times more ambitious so recruiting him was a no-brainer.

That's how Wymack ended up in a car with Neil and Andrew on their way to Henrietta. Neil had played a part in the selection of the recruits so it made sense to bring him along. And Andrew went where ever Neil went these days. Even if the threat of Neil's past was eliminated, Wymack had the feeling that Andrew was still afraid of Neil being taken away again if he let him out of his sight. A strange thought, Andrew being afraid of something, Andrew caring about someone, Wymack was still getting used to it.

They arrived just in time for the final game the Ravens played in that season. The three stayed further away from the court, not wanting to attract any attention. They met the coach who got them spots in the commentators booth where they could watch without being seen. This school had to be ridiculously overfunded.

The Ravens played well, not particularly aggressive or defensive. They were pretty balanced out. Their playing style only made Ronan and Adam stand out.

Ronan was vicious as a striker, sharp, aggressive, with no mercy. Adam was more strategic in his approach as dealer. He watched the court like a hawk, analysing each situation in split seconds before making a move. While the whole team worked well together, these two were something else. They were perfectly synchronised. Ronan seemed acutely aware of every move Adam made and Adam knew where Ronan would be before he even made a move.

Their partnership won them the game, Wymack was sure of that. Once the final second on the timer passed, the score was 4:8 in the Ravens favor. Neil let out a low whistle, his arms crossed, eyes still focused on the court where the Ravens celebrated with their friends and teammates.

It didn't go past Wymack's attention that Ronan didn't engage in the festivities, separating from the crowd of people. He wasn't taking off, though. Wymack saw him approach a different group of people, running over to him from the stands. Adam was right behind him and they were both greeted by the people who seemed to be their friends. Two guys and one girl threw themselves at them.

Neil had noticed as well and let out a smirk. "At least we don't have another completely antisocial prick on our hands.", he remarked, glancing over at Andrew who only gave him a bored, unimpressed look.

"Hilarious. I'm rolling on the floor.", Andrew returned before giving Neil a shove with his elbow that Neil returned.

Wymack still had his eyes on Ronan, celebrating with his friends. Maybe they were the reason he got a little bit of a handle on his situation lately.

The coach of the Ravens entered the booth a minute later, his smile wide and exhilarated. "So? What'd you think?", he asked, slightly out of breath.

"We want to see both of them.", Wymack nodded.

~

The coach told the two to stay behind a moment longer after they showered and changed. Wymack and his entourage waited until everyone else was gone before stepping into the changing room.

"What's this about?", Ronan asked as soon as he laid eyes on them. "Ronan, Adam. This is Coach Wymack from Palmetto State University. He's coaching the Foxes and he's interested in recruiting you.", the coach replied, unimpressed by Ronan's sharp tone.

"Nope.", Ronan said immediately, picking up his bag and already heading out, only to be stopped by Adam's hand, held out before his chest.

It shouldn't have worked. Ronan didn't look like the kind of person who could be stopped by anyone. With his shaved head and sharp eyes, pissed off sneer and vicious looking tattoo. Everything about him screamed, stay the fuck away and don't touch me unless you want to get shredded by my edges.

And Adam? Adam was the opposite. Not in a friendly, sunshiny way, no. The boy carried just as much darkness as Ronan but everything about him was more subdued. Where Ronan was loud Adam was muted, where Ronan was bold Adam was faded. Where Ronan was unpredictable Adam was controlled. He shouldn't have been able to stop him but the simple gesture did the trick and Ronan came to a halt, glancing at Adam.

"Hear them out.", Adam ordered and Ronan stilled, reluctantly looking back at Wymack. He raised a single eyebrow, like he was giving him permission to continue.

"I'm looking to fill my ranks with some new faces. Your Coach told me that you haven't decided on a school yet-", Wymack started, talking to Adam. "-and that you didn't even apply.", he added, looking at Ronan. "I need a striker and a dealer and you fit the bill. All you need to do is sign and you got your next 5 years planned out for you. " 

"Yeah. I've heard your criteria. You fill your team with a bunch of freaks. I'm honored.", Ronan stated but Adam was listening.

"People who need a second chance, but yeah.", Wymack shrugged and watched as Ronan's eyes shot from him to Neil.

"Is that what your second chances look like? 'Cause your last recruit looks like he's one step away from being living ground beef. Pardon me but I'll pass on those chances."

Even with his arms wrapped in black bands the brutal scars on Neil's hands and face were still visible. They had healed since Neil's run in with his father and Neil didn't attempt to hide them but it still made something ache inside Wymack's chest whenever he looked at him. Neil didn't react to the harsh words, months of press seemed to have dissanitized him to rude comments. Andrew didn't say anything either but Wymack felt him tense beside him. Great.

Adam shot Ronan a glare that the other ignored before focusing on Wymack. "And this would be a full ride?", Adam asked and Ronan's head snapped over to to look at Adam.

"Yes.", Wymack nodded.

"Then I'm taking it.", Adam replied and a satisfaction bloomed in Wymack's chest. Ronan didn't seem as happy.

"What the fuck, Adam? What about Harvard?", he asked. Some of the bite left his voice when he spoke to Adam but Adam didn't budge.

"You know I didn't get the scholarship. I can't afford to go there anyways and Palmetto is a good school and I get to play Ext and not have a bunch of jobs for once. " His words sounded like they should be something personal, not admitted before all these strangers. Adam didn't seem too happy about opening up like this either but he focused on Ronan like the other's weren't even there. "It's my best option. I need to go.", he said apologetically before looking back at Wymack. "Where do I sign?" Neil handed him the contract and Adam actually sat down on a bench to read through it, something not a lot of people did before signing it. Finally he placed his signature and handed it back.

"Do you need us to speak to your parents?", Wymack asked, curious how Adam would react to it. He didn't flinch, didn't pull a face. He only said "No." But it was too quick and Wymack thought that the Coach might've been right about Adam's family-situation.

"Great. We'll be in contact and see you in June.", Wymack nodded before turning his attention to Ronan. "What about you?"

"Fuck off.", Ronan spat, actually leaving this time. Adam watched him storm off and let out a sigh before glancing over at the others.

"Sorry for what he said.", Adam then said, looking at Neil. Neil shrugged before saying. "It's fine." Only one word away from the phrase the Foxes had pretty much forbidden him to use.

"It really isn't.", Andrew mumbled before turning his attention towards Wymack. There was something unnerving about Adam that Wymack had no idea how to place. He didn't seem as volatile as Andrew or as screwed up as Neil, he was just...other...strange in a way Wymack had never seen before. Adam was just a boy, not even a really intimidating one, but his eyes were a thousand years old. Wymack couldn't help but to wonder what had to happen to someone to give them that look. "Do you need a reply from him immediately?", he asked.

"I'm pretty sure we already have his answer.", Andrew stated but Adam didn't waver a bit.

"We'll be here until tomorrow afternoon. He has time until then.", Wymack replied, handing Adam one if his cards.

"I'll talk to him."

"Call when you have a reply." Adam nodded before picking up his bag and heading out as well. 

~

They ended up at Monmouth Manufacturing after Ronan and Adam rejoined the group, sat on the floor in a circle around several pizza's they had ordered. Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Henry. Aside from his brothers these were all the people Ronan loved, his family... plus Henry. But he was Blue and Gansey's boyfriend so that made him family by proxy so Ronan accepted him.

Adam hadn't hesitated telling them why they had been held up and of course the excitement reached a new peak after his news, followed by a quick crash after Adam told on Ronan for refusing the offer.

"I can't go to South Carolina. I can't dream over there.", Ronan stated. He had only recently discovered that he couldn't leave Henrietta for too long or hold off his dreaming without the nightwash setting in. He would basically start to bleed black ooze from his nose, ears and eyes that would eventually fill his lungs and brain and kill him. It was a convenient excuse for him, or so he though.

"Wait a second.", Gansey interrupted, jumping up before rushing over to his bed where he still had his Glendower notebook. He flipped through it until he found a map of the US where he marked the path of the ley lines. He carried the book back to the group to show them. "The university is right next to one of the ley lines. It can help you control your dreams over there. ", he explained and Ronan's stomach cramped.

"You'd just have to pop by the barnes every once in a while to stop the black faucet of death.", Henry pointed out. Ronan gave him a deadpan stare.

"It's a 7 hour drive. I'd have to go back at least once a week.", Ronan tried but the other ones didn't seem convinced.

"The way you drive you only need 5. ", Blue smirked before reaching for another slice.

"Come on, do you not want to go with me?", Adam asked gently cocking his head to one side. Ronan grew weak.

"It's not that I don't want to go away with you.", he clarified. "It's that I don't want to go to college. I fucking hated high school, I hate people telling me what to do.", he complained and Blue rolled with her eyes but didn't meet his his. Instead of taking note of that he moved his attention back to Gansey.

"Yeah, but you'd get to play Exy . You love that sport. And you don't even need to pay for it, you get a scholarship.", he argued and Ronan scoffed.

"Money isn't an issue. If I wanted to go to college I'd just do it. I don't give a fuck about the scholarship." Ronan noticed something change and it only took him a second to realize what it was. Blue had gone incredibly still, her eyes glaring at Ronan furiously. Before he had time to decipher what this was about she got to her feet. Another second and she was storming through the room to the entrance.

"You're an entitled asshole, Lynch!", she snapped before slamming the door behind her.

"What the fuck was that about?", Ronan asked, looking over to Gansey and Henry for help. Blue and Ronan normally understood each other. It took them both some time to get there but by now he knew her they way he only did few people. Blue had a bit of a temper but she wasn't prone to explosive outbursts like this. She was way too sensible. A quality Ronan lacked entirely.

Gansey let out a deep sight and rubbed a hand over his face

"Shit.", Henry mumbled.

"What?", Ronan demanded. How did he mess up this time?

"Blue applied for Palmetto and got accepted.", Gansey clarified, or tried to but Ronan didn't understand what just happened any better.

"So? Great. Then she can keep Adam company.", Ronan asked and Adam let out a groan.

"She isn't going, dipshit.", Henry cut in. He rarely sounded this harsh, or harsh at all but just like Gansey he had a unique sense of protectiveness when it came to Blue. Not that she wanted to be protected by them. Not that she needed it.

"She didn't get a scholarship and she can't afford it.", Gansey added and wow. That'll rip your guts out. Ronan felt awful as soon as he understood what they were trying to say. Of course she was upset. Of course. Because Ronan got something she wanted but couldn't get and instead of being thankful he shat all over her dreams. Fucking fantastic.

"We'll talk to her.", Gansey said getting up, Henry right behind him. They both didn't look too optimistic.

It wasn't that Blue was stubborn, which she was. But whatever was lately going on with Blue was new. She was cracking and it made sense to none of them.

Blue was steady. Maybe the steadiest of all of them. Her lack of Adam's truckload of emotional issues, Ronan's reckless nature or Gansey's emotional constipation made her the most reliable.

But ever since they defeated the demon, ever since Gansey's search ended and with it his life, ever since Noah slipped away and Cabeswater gave itself away to save Gansey...She had changed.

It were little things at first. A distant look in her eyes, a forced smile. It only got worse from there. Blue grew distant. She didn't avoid them in any way, she was still there but when Ronan looked at her he didn't feel like she was really...There.

She acted normal, or tried to at least but every once in a while her carefully constructed mask cracked. Sometimes Ronan saw her stare at Gansey when she thought no one was looking and she just looked so sad.

One time Adam came by her house and found her training with Mr Grey. He was basically her stepfather and the person to gift her the knife she always carried with her. Since he had laid his life as a hit man to rest he used his talents to teach her how to fight. They knew of it but Ronan had assumed that it was just simple self defence. Not according to Adam.

"She was so angry, she was furious. I never saw her like that.", he had told Ronan when they curled against one another in Ronan's childhood bed back at the Barns.

Gansey and Henry told Ronan that she had nightmares. That she'd start sobbing in her sleep and that they had to shake her awake. She refused to talk about it.

One time Blue went missing for two days. Ronan finally found her in Lindenmere, the new dream forest Ronan had build after Cabeswater killed itself for Gansey. Later she said that she just forgot the time. It could happen in Lindenmere, time worked differently there. But that didn't explain what Ronan saw when he found her. She was sitting under one of the trees, her legs crossed, her arms on her knees. Her face was calm her eyes empty, unseeing, but the worst were the tears, running down her cheeks endlessly. She was mumbling something and Ronan realized after a moment that she was speaking the language of the trees. Ronan had no idea when she had learned that but it wasn't completely outlandish. After all Blue was related to this forest. Her father Artemus, who used to be one of the trees in Cabeswater, had made her part of it all.

It was strange to see her like this, foreign. It took Ronan several tries to get her to snap out of it and when she did she refused to talk about it. As always.

Whatever it was, it was eating at her. Blue was coming apart right in front of them and none of them knew what to do.

Gansey and Henry left and then it were only Ronan and Adam. "I'm such an asshole...", Ronan groaned out, burying his face in his hands.

Adam pat his back gently but replied:"Yeah you are. But you know Blue. She'll get over it in no time." Would she, though? Ronan didn't ask out loud but the question was definitely in the room. Right now it didn't look like Blue was getting over anything.

Ronan was done watching his friend fall apart right in front of him. He needed to do something, needed to help her in whichever way he could. He couldn't tackle the real issue, she refused to tell them what it was. But he could take care of his latest mess and he already had an idea of how to fix it. He just needed to dream something up first.

~

Wymack was honestly surprised when his phone rang the next morning at Ronan Lynch was on the other end of the line. "Meet me in the changing room of Aglionby in an hour." Then the line went dead. 

"So he changed his mind?", Neil asked as they got ready before piling into the car. "I suppose. I don't see what the point is in meeting us just to tell us no again.", Wymack shrugged.

"The satisfaction of our deep deep disappointment?", Andrew suggested, not at all helpful. Wymack gave him a sharp look and told him to shut up before starting the engine.

Ronan Lynch was already waiting in the locker room when they arrived leaned against a table with a TV on it. Wymack had no idea how he got in there since everything was locked on Sundays but those rules didn't seem to apply to Ronan Lynch. He looked just as intense as the day before but now there was a determination behind his glare which was new. He was on a mission. Interesting.

"Did you have a change of heart?", Neil asked instead of a greeting.

"Hello Scarface.", Ronan commented and Wymack swore that he felt Andrew shift as if he wanted to throw himself at Ronan.

Neil seemed to hold him back though. "How original. I only heard that one about a thousand times already.", Neil returned instead. Wymack started to wonder if Neil already regretted suggesting this guy.

Ronan smiled but like everything about him his smile was something cruel and twisted. "To answer your question. No I didn't have a change of heart. I still fucking hate college but I did have a change of motivation. I'm joining.", he stated. "Under two conditions."

"What conditions?", Neil asked. 

"One.", Ronan held up his index finger. Wymack couldn't help but to notice the scars that started at Ronan's wrists and went all the way up to the crook of his arm.

Wymack knew from the boy's file that he had tried to kill himself so it shouldn't have been a surprise. It wasn't the first time he saw intense scaring either. The majority of Neil's body was covered in gruesome scarring. Hell, it wasn't even the first time he saw scars that were self inflicted. He only needed to look over at Andrew who covered his cut up arms with his black bands.

But there was something about the scarring on Ronan's arm that looked so unlike anything someone could inflict upon themselves. They weren't straight cuts left by razor blades. They were crooked and wild and inhuman. His skin hadn't been cut but ripped apart. Like an animal clawing at it's own leg.

Wymack, focused on Ronan's face, on the words he was saying, pushing the though of his scars away. "- I need time to drive back here once a week. Every week.", Ronan stated and Wymack raised his eyebrows. They weren't exactly near South Carolina.

"Once a week? For what?", Neil asked.

"That's my business but I can't compromise on it.", Ronan replied. Wymack thought about it for a moment. He might miss a few practices but Ronan was in no way behind. He didn't like it but if Ronan could put in the work he could skip some sessions without falling behind.

"What's the second condition?", Wymack asked, not giving a reply yet.

"Two.", Ronan said, holding up two fingers now. He didn't seem to care at all that he was showing off his scars. Interesting. "I have a friend. She doesn't go here. She goes to the local public school and she applied for your university and got accepted. But she didn't get a scholarship and she can't afford to go.", he explain.

"And what do you want me to do about it?", Wymack asked, his tone rough and annoyed. He didn't like where this was going.

"I want you to watch her play. She played defence on her schools team.", Ronan pulled a disk out of the pocket of his pants and put it into the DVD player. 

"Get her a full ride for your school and I'll join her. Those are my only two conditions. I don't accept compromises. " With that he pressed play and a recoding of a game started playing.

The court was absolute shit. Way smaller than the regular ones, the players didn't have uniforms or numbers. Only red or green vests pulled over their gear.

Ronan pointed his friend out to them. Her name was Blue and she was tiny. Maybe even a little smaller than Andrew if that was even possible. But that turned out to be her strongsuit. She was lightning quick and small enough to just duck away from anyone who went for her. Her team seemed pretty useless and they were not doing her any favors but Blue was hell bent on defending the goal, even if she had to do it by herself. She wasn't as strategic as Adam or as purely talented as Ronan but she was the most passionate.

"She should be goalkeeper but they didn't have that position free so she picked defence. She's amazing in both.", Ronan commented and for the first time Wymack didn't hear any trace of disdain in his voice.

Once the video ended Ronan looked back at them. "I don't deserve to go to your school, hell, I don't even want to. But she does. Get her a spot and I'll sign your stupid contract." 

Wymack had made the decision the first time he saw Blue sprint straight towards an opposing striker before diving under their arm right before they could collide. Her opponent ran straight into a wall and lost the ball which Blue quickly passed to a team-mate. But there was still one thing he had to ask. "What's her situation?"

Ronan gave him a strange looked before it clicked. Then he let out a laugh, a humorless sound, he shook his head. "Right. You have a theme.", Ronan stated before answering the question. "She isn't like me. She isn't fucked up like me. If that's what you're looking for, she ain't it. I'm not saying she doesn't have issues. She definitely does."

"What kind of issues?", Wymack asked. He had to have a vague idea of what he was getting himself into. Last year he hadn't known right away and Neil's secrets could've gotten them all killed.

"I don't know yet. But I hope that this will fix it. Or at least give me time to figure out what she needs. It ain't her family, though. I know you're looking for kids from broken homes and while her family is absolutely insane on a different level, they are good people-", he paused before adding:"Or at least they try to be.

Wymack contemplated his decision for a little while longer, trying to decide on the pros and cons of the offer. Blue wasn't his typical recruit, she didn't fit his mission. But he knew that no one else would give her that chance and he saw her determination and passion. Her potential. It wouldn't be fair to throw that away. The same went for Ronan. It wouldn't be the first time he had to convince someone to give themselves a chance. A simple glance to his right reminded him of his hardest case yet and he even got Andrew to try in the end.

"Alright. Get her here and we'll get you both to sign.", he stated and a smile pulled at Ronan's lips. He looked satisfied. Interesting.

He pulled out a phone and dialled. On the other end of the line he could hear a girls voice but couldn't make her words out. Only that she sounded alarmed. "Everything is fine.Get to the boy's locker room.", Ronan replied before ending the call.

It only took her 5 minutes so Wymack assumed that Ronan had ordered her to the school beforehand, in anticipation of his victory. Wymack had only seen blurry videos of her in her gear. In real life Blue was so much smaller but also bolder. She was tiny. Not really shorter than Andrew but she didn't have his width. Her skin was of a warm brown and so we're her eyes. Her black hair was held up by about a million hairclips and it spiked out in all directions and her clothes made her look like an arts and crafts fairy.

But what Wymack noticed almost immediately were the scars around her eye, they weren't even fully healed yet maybe only one or two months old and they looked like someone had tried to claw her eye out.

"What is this?", she asked, her eyes meeting Ronan's. He still wore that smug grin and looked over at Wymack expectantly.

"Hello, my name is David Wymack. I'm Coach of the Palmetto Foxes and you must be Blue." He held has hand out for her to shake it and she did after recognition made her eyes grow large.

"What-", she gasped.

"We were just speaking to Ronan and... well , he convinced us that if we want him, we need to take you as well. I hope you're still interested in our University.",Wymack continued.

"I can't afford it-", Blue stammered, pulling her hand back. She was still stunned.

"Doesn't matter. As part of the Foxes you'd be on a full scholarship. You don't need to pay anything. So? Are you interested?"

A beat of silence and then a wide smile split on the girls lips. "Of course I am!", she exclaimed. "Where do I need to sign?"

Neil took out the contracts, they always had a few extra ones with them in case a pissed of player would rip the contract to shreds. (It wouldn't be a first.)

Ronan and Blue both signed and Neil wrote down Blue's information so they could contact her and Wymack handed both of them his card before saying his goodbyes until June.

Once they stepped out of the room he heard Blue let out a victory cry before laughing wildly. "Where did you even get that video, I didn't see you film?", Blue asked.

"Dreamt my memories and put them in a DVD.", Ronan said as if it made any sense at all. Wymack just stepped away when he heard Ronan bark out a laugh. It might've been the most honest thing he had heard from that boy in the last two days.


	2. You can take your pick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before this chapter I should mention that ever since reading Call Down The Hawk I've joined the Declan stans but in this fic he's kinda shitty. He doesn't want to be but he is. Just know that his character in this story doesn't reflect my opinion of him.
> 
> You'll also notice that I'm making Blue, Ronan and Adam a bit...idk...harder? Edgier? To make them fit in with the Foxes better. 
> 
> A warning: there is child abuse in this chapter (hello Adam's POV) but it isn't extremely graphic. 
> 
> Also, I know this is kinda short but the next one will be longer and the Foxes will finally meet the Raven kids!

Blue, Adam and Ronan received pretty mixed reactions to their new college plans.

Blue told her family that same day and everyone in 300 Fox Way was buzzing with excitement. Calla decided that they should celebrate and promptly got all the women of Fox Way to gather. Blue called her raven boys over and Mr Grey came as well.

It was a hectic, overwhelming day but in the end it turned out to be the best one Blue had in weeks. Her lack of college options had been a huge annoyance but paled in comparison to the other things she had going on in her life. It came as surprise to her how this seemingly unimportant thing managed to lift her spirits.

After a day surrounded by her friends and family Blue retreated to her bedroom and Gansey and Henry quietly followed her upstairs. That's how they ended up in her bed, Blue's head resting on Henry's chest where he was gently stroking her hair, Gansey's head laying in Blue's lap, looking up at her. Blue could hear muffled music from downstairs where the party was still going on. Could feel the rise and fall of Henry's chest and Gansey's pulse against her hand where her fingers brushed his neck. Their body's were tangled and intertwined the same as their souls, warm and alive and for a the moment it was all okay.

"Venezuela isn't going to be the same without you.", Henry remarked gently. They had both been happy for her, thrilled even. But their joy and pride was accompanied by a sense of melancholy. One that Blue didn't mind at all, she felt the same. The feeling of always longing for what you couldn't have. Even when you got something you wished for it came with a price.

Blue felt like all she had been doing these past few weeks had been longing. She couldn't figure out what she longed for, or what price she'd have to pay once she was confronted with her hearts desire.

"Are you trying to make me feel bad for leaving?", she asked, trying to focus her wandering mind. She asked it with a smile on her lips, not entirely ernest but not completely joking either.

"No of course not.", Gansey smiles up at her, completely genuine.

"Unless it's working.", Henry added and even though she couldn't see his face Blue could imagine the grin on his face. Unapologetic. "Is it?", he asked and Blue searched her heart for an answer.

She'd miss them, she'd miss them like the trees miss the air, but she felt it deep in her bones. An ache that wouldn't stop. She'd been uprooted and now all she could do was move. And as much as she loved Gansey and Henry, as much as she knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with them, as mad as that sounded, she also knew that she needed to do this by herself.

For a moment she wondered if that's what Artemus, her father, felt like when he was in human form. Like this wasn't right. Like he needed to leave his bones behind and be one with the stars, stretch towards them until his fingers turned to branches, grasping at the night sky.

She wondered if that's why he hadn't stayed.

Thoughts like those plagued her more and more these days. Blue didn't use to be like this, she'd always felt misplaced but there had never been such an urgency about it, such a need for change. A change of scenery felt like a valid first step.

She realized that she hadn't answered Henry's question yet and tried to pull her mind back into her body. "No. I'm sorry.", she replied, honestly. She felt better about this than she had about anything in weeks.

"Don't be. It only means that you really want this.", Gansey spoke softly, holding up his hand. She did the same and laced her fingers with his.

Sometimes it was still surreal that he was really here, alive, if not completely human anymore. The had both changed, turned to something wilder, something ancient. Gansey who had searches for Mysteries all his life had turned into one himself and Blue who used to be the most ordinary out of family of strange women, had become the strangest one of all. Blue focused on Henry his fingers in her hair, his touch. They both needed Henry, needed his humanity to ground them.

"But promise you'll visit.", she asked and both the boys smirked. Her awful, lovely boys.

" You'll be lucky if you don't get bored of us once we come by way too often to be considered non-needy.", Henry chuckled.

"We could still move there and cancel the road trip.", Gansey suggested, only half joking. Blue raised her eyebrows, glancing down at him.

"Don't even think about it. I'm not having you put a hold on your dreams because of me." 

Gansey needed to leave as well, like her he had become restless. His life had only been about one thing for years, now he needed to find something else to obsess over and it couldn't be Blue. That was too much responsibility for one person.

"You're my dream, Jane.", Gansey said softly.

" But I can't be your only one.", she whispered, brushing his hair back with her hand. "Go have an amazing year, both of you. See some ruins, save some trees, tell them hi from me and ask if they saw my dad.", Blue added and it got all three if them to laugh.

Things were easy when they were like this, too bad they weren't always like this. 

~

Ronan didn't have a whole crowd of people to tell, he only had 2. His brothers. And he waited with the news until one week before he was supposed to leave.

Matthew was joyous because he always was. That's how Ronan had dreamt him. He was the lovely, pleasant child.

Declan didn't take it with the same amount of levity. It was amusing to watch Declan react to the news. For years Ronan's older brother had tried to get Ronan to care about school. For years he had failed. Ronan had even considered dropping out when he turned 18 just to spite Declan. Ronan actually going to college should've made Declan happy and in a way it did.

Declan wanted to be satisfied but Ronan want sure his brother even knew what the word ment. Declan was joyless, always had been, always would be. He also had the severely annoying habit of overanalysing everything until his own paranoia drove him mad.

So he found himself conflicted. He wanted Ronan to go to college but he also didn't want him anywhere where Declan couldn't watch him. Because Declan didn't trust Ronan. It wasn't personal, Declan trusted nobody.

A part of Ronan knew that Declan was only trying to protect him in his own twisted way. Declan would do whatever it took to protect his brothers and that included things Ronan would never agree to, he had to learn that the hard way.

"You couldn't have gone to College in DC?", Declan asked, a hard edge to his voice. He had waited until Matthew left for the bathroom to unleash his true self. Ronan almost liked him better when he was like this, when he didn't hide behind his bland mask.

Ronan didn't bother telling Declan that he didn't even want to go to college in the first place, that he hadn't chosen PSU. Instead he glanced around to make sure that Matthew was still in the bathroom before turning back. "This way I'll at least be out of your reach.", he then stated, making an effort to keep his tone calm.

Declan gave him one of his expressionless looks before saying:"And what about your dreams? What about the nightwash? Have you thought about that?"

"PSU is near a lay line and I'll return to the barnes once a week. Unless of course you wanna pump me full of drugs until I couldn't even sleep if I tried to. That sounds like a valid fucking option as well.", Ronan spat.

The words hurt Declan because they were supposed to. Ronan knew exactly how to throw his brothers own mistakes back into his face. Declan glanced away, stiffened, licked his lips nervously. All things he wouldn't normally do.

When he looked back at Ronan he still hadn't regained his cool. "I'm just trying to keep you alive.", he stated and it would've sounded like a plea if it hadn't come out of Declan's mouth. Declan didn't know how to plead and beg, there wasn't anything he wanted so badly to lower himself to that level.

"No. You're trying to keep me locked away. But guess what, you can't do that anymore!", Ronan hissed before getting up from his chair and leaving the kitchen of the barnes, heading outside.

He walked blindly, trusting in his feet to carry him where he needed to go. He found himself sitting at the edge of the forest, hiding in the shadows of the trees. Chainsaw was soaring above him before settling on his shoulder. Ronan barely noticed her.

His mind went back to a time he tried to avoid revisiting these days. He thought of sleepless nights and bone-deep exhaustion, the bitter taste of pills on his tongue and Declan's voice telling him that he was only trying to protect him.

His eyes fell to his hands in his lap, to the white lines, zig-zagging over his arms like lighting. His friends knew that they weren't self inflicted, at least not in the way everyone thought. After all, the nighthorror that ripped his arms to shreds had been a part of Ronan, too.

He hadn't told Declan that a dream did it. Maybe because the guilt that Declan felt after Ronan almost died made him back off. Maybe because Ronan was afraid that if Declan knew how violent Ronan's dreams could be, he'd decide once more that Ronan couldn't be trusted with that power.

Whichever it was, it didn't matter. Declan didn't trust anyone, including Ronan. He still cared about Ronan in his own weird way but too many things had happened to ever form a reliable bond again. Ronan didn't mind. The feeling was mutual.

Besides, he had four other people he loved entirely, unconditionally. They were enough. They had to be. 

~

Adam didn't tell his family about his college plans until the night before they were leaving. He knew there wouldn't be any celebration, any congratulations or pride.

Besides, he didn't need there help preparing for it. Adam wasn't a sentimental person and he didn't have many things either. So in the week leading up to their departure he quietly gathered all the things he wanted to take with him. It was easy. Most things he needed were already packed into a backpack underneath his bed. He had it prepared months ago in case he ever needed to make a quick exit. He'd never used it.

Adam was bad at leaving.

Everything else he needed he put into a second sports bag that he hid in the same spot.

He waited until the last possible moment. Friday night. He was scheduled to meet Ronan and Blue at the barnes tomorrow where they'd start their journey to South Carolina in two cars.

It was tempting to not say anything. To slip away in the early hours of the morning while they slept, unnoticed, unbothered. Taking away any chance of stopping him.

But then his father told him that Adam would have to help with the car tomorrow and it sort of just slipped out. He knew that he'd have to tell them eventually. Adam had just hoped that he wouldn't have to be there to witness the fallout.

It was awful.

Possibly worse than ever before. Adam had thought that his father had been furious the night he deafened him, it had nothing on his current anger.

At some point Adam found himself on the ground, thinking that that's what he got for not leaving sooner, for not taking up any of his friends countless offers of help.

In the end he survived it. He always did. His whole body ached but he'd be fine. His father left him on the kitchen floor, he could see a splatter of blood on the white linoleum next to his face. They just went to bed, not caring about Adam's state. He stayed there, paralysed with fear until he was certain that they had fallen asleep. Then he struggled to his feet, slowly, painfully. He dragged himself to his room, took his bags and left. 

Adam didn't take the bike because he didn't trust himself enough to not crash it. So he walked. It's not like he set out to go to Ronan. He could've gone to Blue or Gansey and the way would've been much shorter but his feet just naturally carried him to the barnes. It was a long walk, Adam had no idea how long he walked for, his mind distracted by the constant buzz of injured body.

Somewhere along the line it started to rain, because of course it did. Adam didn't mind, the cool rain was soothing on his throbbing skin.

He had forgotten about Ronan's security system. A dream-thing he had come up with that was supposed to keep people away from the Barnes. When you passed through it it made you relive your darkest moments. By the time Adam made it to the entrance of the house he was drenched and felt like he was laying on the kitchen floor again.

Everything was pain.

Then Ronan opened the door. Alarmed and charged up and so fucking electric. And his eyes were furious when they took in Adam and it took Adam a second to realize that his anger wasn't directed towards Adam.

Adam knew that he should say something but his throat was sore and his mind was filled with agony so just stumbled towards Ronan. He crashed into Ronan's arms and their tight hold hurt but it also chased some of the darkness away.

"Tamquam.", Ronan whispered gently.

"Alter idem.", Adam returned, his voice cracking with the strain of it.

After that Ronan pulled Adam into the house. He helped him change into dry clothes and took in the damage. His ribs ached the most but he was sure that they weren't cracked, just bruised. Breathing and speaking was painful after the choking and he'd get some ugly bruises but it wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with before. The blood came from a gash above his left eyebrow and his burst lip.

Ronan sat Adam down in the kitchen and started to clean the blood away before tending to his wounds. "I'm going to kill him...", he mumbled so quietly that Adam wasn't sure if Ronan had even intended to say it out loud.

"No you won't. Not one day before we're leaving for college. It's not worth it.", Adam rasped out, speaking hurt but it had to be said.

Ronan froze, his sharp eyes glaring at Adam. "Shut up. Of course it is. Of course you are.", he snapped but Adam didn't flinch back. Now that his head was a little clearer he knew that Ronan would never turn his anger onto him.

"We should call the police...", Ronan mumbled but Adam shook his head.

"I don't want the drama of that-", he started.

"Drama?", Ronan echoed but Adam didn't let that interrupt him.

"I just want to leave. Okay? I'm leaving. We're leaving together. This-", he gestured at his face. "-This will pass, I don't wanna waste more time on it. Just let me leave please-", he pleaded.

Ronan looked down at him, his hands hovering over Adam's face, one bloody tissue still in hand. His sharp glare softened and he placed his hands on Adam's shoulders, pulling him closer until Adam was tucked against his chest. It stung and he was probably staining Ronan's shirt with his blood but Adam melted into his touch. 

"Promise me that you're leaving for good. Promise me that you're never going back.", Ronan asked softly.

"I promise.", the response was automatic, Adam didn't think about how often he'd made that promise to himself, how often he had broken it. This time he wouldn't do it, though. This time he'd be free.

At least that's what he hoped. 

~

Two states over Neil stepped out onto Abby's porch. He'd woken up to an empty bed and had assumed that Andrew stepped out, rightfully so.

Andrew was sitting on the steps leading up to the house. He was still dressed in his pyjamas, a black shirt and sweatpants and he hadn't bothered to wrap his arms yet.

When Neil sat down next to him he barely gave an indication that he noticed him. He just smoked his cigarette until Neil reached over, plucking it from between his lips. Neil breathed in the smoke as Andrew lit himself a new cigarette.

"Did I wake you?", Andrew asked, his voice toneless, eyes still turned towards the sky. It were the early hours of the morning. The sun would start rising soon.

"No. Nightmare.", Neil replied simply before taking a drag from his cigarette to keep it burning.

"Riko or Nathan this time?", Andrew asked, he was familiar with Neil's usual nightmares, the monsters that lived on in his mind even if their bodies were dead.

"Neither. It was my mom this time.", Neil replied and Andrew lifted one eyebrow, glancing over at Neil.

"Yeah, I don't know either. Whatever.", Neil shrugged.

"Whose turn is it?", Andrew then asked after a couple more second, looking back towards the sky.

"Mine but I don't have anything to ask right now.", Neil returned. Andrew didn't say anything for a moment. He pressed his lips together, the cigarette between his fingers hanging in the air like he forgot about it. When he spoke again he didn't look at Neil.

"I might have something to tell you." Neil raised his eyebrows in surprise. Andrew wasn't really the type to share something about himself unprompted but Neil didn't question why. Instead he just waited.

"Ronan Lynch. I know him.", he then said and Neil didn't expected that at all.

"From where?", Neil asked.

"Juvie.", Andrew replied simply. "He was also the first guy I ever kissed. Or...The first one that didn't make me."

Neil didn't know what to react to first. Andrew talking about Juvie, which he never did, or the revelation that the first guy Andrew ever had an interest in would be part of Neil's team, starting today.

"But when we were in Henrietta-?", Neil started, uncertain where he was going with that sentence.

"He doesn't remember me.", Andrew answered the question Neil didn't ask. "I'm pretty sure of that. "

"How does anyone forget about you?", Neil asked, not expecting an answer. Andrew gave him a look and even though he didn't smile he seemed amused.

"My theory is that he wasn't right in the head back then. You should've seen him. He was a mess. I think he might've been on something even though I have no idea how he got the drugs into the detention centre."

A beat of silence. Neil was the first to speak again. "What was he like? Back then."

Andrew pulled a face while simultaneously shrugging. "The fuck do I know, I barely knew the guy. He was hot, he wasn't an absolute asshole, he didn't touch me.", he then replied and Neil tried to ignore the sting that left. "Oh get over yourself, I obviously like you better, idiot.", Andrew them groaned.

"What? I didn't say anything.", Neil argued but Andrew gave him a sharp look.

"But you thought it.", he stated and Neil smirked at that.

"So he wasn't a complete asshole back then. What changed?", Neil then asked, changing the subject.

"He mellowed out a bit, it seems.", Andrew stated.

"I wouldn't exactly describe him as mellow." Neil could think of a whole catalogue of words to describe Ronan Lynch. Starting with A for Awful and ending with V for Vicious. And he knew that he had suggested him and he stood by it, because Ronan was an ace on the court, but Neil still found him irritating as fuck.

"That's because you didn't meet him before.", Andrew replied. Neil tried to imagine a more extreme version of Ronan, someone that even Andrew would call unhinged, and then he tried to imagine them together. The image in his mind was disaster. Then again, Neil was biased.

"Will you tell him?", Neil then asked.

"Not right away.", Andrew replied, taking a last drag of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stomping it out. "We'll take him to Columbia first. See what he's like now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your lovely comments on my first chapter were amazing! I can't wait to hear from you again!


	3. Know way I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, thank you for all the amazing comments, I'm thrilled that people are so excited about the story.
> 
> As promised some of the foxes finally meet our trio in this chapter. I've got a loose idea of the plot but if you want anything specific to happen in the fix, tell me in the comments and I might incorporate it!

The new Foxes were weird as hell.

That was the first thing everyone agreed on as soon as they arrived.

It started with the girl, Blue, arriving in a Camaro in the brightest, most impossible shade of orange. The girl herself looked as ridiculous as her car. With her bright coloured mismatched clothes and the dozens of hairclips in her spiky hair.

Ronan, who stepped out of his own car was also a sight to behold. All dark clothes and pale skin, sharp edges and a vicious glare. Everything about him said "stay back". Including the real living Raven that sat on his shoulder.

The third part of the trio was Adam Parrish. One might've thought that he was the most ordinary one of the three. He could've looked like any other boy, with his dusty hair, blank expression and forgettable clothes. That is, if it weren't for the colourful collection of injuries he sported. A swollen lip, a split open eyebrow and a black eye. But the most gruesome sight was the ring of dark swollen bruises around his throat. A clear indication of choking.

  
A strange trio but the most peculiar thing about them, in Renee's opinion, was that they all seemed equally in love with each other. Like a family. It was concerning. The foxes took in orphans, people that didn't really have anyone else, they gave them a family and something to fight for. These three already had that. Which opened up the question, why were they here? 

  
Blue moved into the girl's dorm so she was the first one Renee met formally. The girl had a strangeness to her, sure. But there was nothing dark about it. At first glance Renee might've assumed that Blue had never been touched by darkness at all. She was just...glowing.

She came in with all the confidence of someone who knew exactly who they were. "Hey, Blue Sargent, I'm your new defence player.", she said with a grin on her lips.

Dan was the first to reply. "Dan Wilds, I'm the captain, we're excited to have you. Allison and I share a room so you'll have share with Renee."  
Renee waved at her with a smile while Allison only eyed her, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

" Nice, is that the room?", Blue asked, pointing at one of the doors before pulling her two ginormous suitcases after her.

"So you're from Henrietta?", Renee asked, following Blue into their room. Dan and Allison returned to their own to finish unpacking.

"Yah, middle of nowhere Henrietta. ", Blue nodded.

"And where are you from?" It turned out that most things she brought were clothes, All looking just as peculiar and unique as her current outfit. She stuffed them into the dresser underneath her bunk bed as she chatted away.

Renee mostly focused on observing her. Usually it was easy for her to get a read on people. Neil had been a challenge because he was a liar through and through. Or at least he used to be. She had learn him slowly.

Blue should be easy. Innocent people were usually easy to figure out. A baby isn't hard to understand because the world hasn't ruined it yet.

Experiences. That's what made people complicated. Usually bad ones. All those icky memories, haunting traumas and decisions where there was no right answer. That's what made a person complicated. Some more, some less depending on how open they were.

Judging by her first impression, which Renee could usually rely on, Blue didn't fit here. If she hadn't focused on her Renee could've sworn that Blue was of the innocent kind. Then again, people thought the same of her. 

The longer she watched Blue the more she got the feeling that something wasn't quite right with her. And Renee didn't know how to handle that inkling. This was nothing like sensing that someone was lying or hiding something. Blue gave off... something... that was just so weird...so other... and Renee had no idea what it was. 

  
"Renee?", Blue asked, yanking Renee back into reality. Too late she realized that Blue had said something to her.

"Pardon. I didn't catch that?", she asked and Blue shrugged in response, not bothered or annoyed by it.

"I said I like your hair, very cool. I was thinking of dying mine as well but bleaching it first would be a huge hassle.", Blue repeated before continuing to unwrap something from her suitcase.

"Thank you, and I'd think blue would be a fitting colour for you.", Renee replied, letting a smile spread on her lips.

Blue smirked at that. "Very funny. I might actually do that.", she remarked before pulling the last bit of wrap from something that turned out to be a pot with gorgoues blue lilies growing in it. She placed the pot on her desk and Renee couldn't help but to stare. The flowers looked...unreal. There was no other way to describe it, they were too big, to blue, too vivid. Renee shook her head slightly.

What was up with her today, why was she bothered by the simplest things?

"Those are gorgeous.", She said instead, stepping closer and brushing one of the petals with her thumb. She sort of expected it to be plastic but it turned out to be a real flower.

"Yeah, Ronan gave it to me.", Blue commented and Renee glanced over at her.

"Ronan?", she asked.

"He's another one of your recruits. He'll probably show up here in the next ten minutes and I want to apologize in advance.", Blue grinned. She was joking. Ronan and her were friends. Renee had seen them arrive from the window previously. She wondered which one of the boys Ronan was. The broken one or the one that looked like he did the breaking. 

  
"That bad?", Renee asked with a smile before continuing to unpack her own stuff. 

  
"It might seem like it at first. But he's not that bad." Even if her words didn't say it, her tone had a fondness to it, one that was mirrored in her smile.

"Sargent! Where are you, bitch!", a male voice called out from the living room and Blue rolled with her eyes.

"Speak of the devil.", Blue stated, giving Renee a meaningful look. "I'm in here!", she then called out and a few seconds later Ronan Lynch was sprawled out on Blue's bed while she continued to unpack. Ronan was the harsh one. It was obvious in everything he did, from slamming the door once he entered, the completely unjustified glare he gave Renee, the way he launched himself onto Blue's bed instead of using the ladder and the huge raven that held onto his shoulder. Bizarre.

Blue didn't seem put off by any of it so that was apparently common. Renee thought of Andrew but only for a second. Andrew was just as sharp and vicious as Ronan seemed to be but he carried it much quieter. 

  
"God, you have too much stuff. I'd have never thought you to be so materialistic.", Ronan remarked after a while.

"Not materialistic. Sentimental. But you wouldn't understand that. You need to have a heart for that.", Blue shot back but Ronan only smirked, feeding a cracker to his bird.

"Why aren't you bothering Adam?", Blue asked after a while. Adam. The other one, the one with the bruises.

"I'm giving him time to win over his roommates with his impeccable charm before I fuck him over and pull his public image down with mine.", Ronan replied with a sharp grin. "But once you're done we can go and embarrass him together!", the enthusiasm in his voice was exaggerated and fake, his grin wasn't happy at all.

 _Yeah_. Renee thought. He was more like what she was used to. "What are you starting at?", Ronan barked, he'd noticed her looking. Renee didn't care.

"Nothing.", she said with a smile before returning to what she was doing.

"Ronan behave.", Blue snapped but she didn't sound like she ment it entirely. 

  
"Fuck off Sargent, you think you're spared from my bad influence."

  
"I'm shaking in my boots.", Blue remarked sarcastically before placing a couple of framed pictures on a her desk. "Okay. I'm done. We can go embarrass Adam now.", She then announced and Ronan jumped off the bed, his bird following suit and reclaiming its place on his shoulder.

"Finally." 

  
"See you later!", Blue called out to Renee and Renee smiled back before Blue pulled the door closed.

Renee's smile slipped and her eyes shot over to Blue's side of the room. It hadn't taken her long to make it her own. Colourful bedsheets, a stack of books, a couple of plants and pictures could do a lot to transform a space.

Renee took a few steps closer, her eyes on the pictures on the desk. Blue brought four. One showed her with three older women, grinning at the camera. One looked at lot like Blue so Renee assumed that it was her mother.

Another picture was her and five boys, Ronan was one of them, all posing ridiculously.

Another one showed her and two of the boys from the previous picture, All wearing togas, laying on a sofa, limbs tangled, bright smiles on their faces.

The last one was her and a man dressed in all grey, they were both dressed in sports wear, their hands wrapped like they were boxing. Blue was glancing up at the grey man with a smirk on her lips.

The pictures were all so goddamn normal and innocent and happy. They shouldn't serve as something that confused Renee further but for some reason they did.

She turned away from Blue's side of the room and tried to push the thought away for now.

~

Andrew wasn't exactly sure if he should be relieved or disappointed that Ronan wasn't placed in their dorm. When he heard that Kevin had switched dorms 'because he wanted to regain some independence from Neil and Andrew', Andrew hadn't cared much. Kevin was in no danger, Andrew didn't have to watch him 24/7 anymore.

But that also ment that they'd get a new roommate. Having Ronan living with them sounded like the perfect receipt for disaster but it would also make it easier to figure out how much Ronan remember of their shared time in Juvie and how much he had changed.

They had been roommates back then. That's how Andrew knew that Ronan didn't sleep. Instead he paced, the entire night, every night. Every couple of days he'd pass out for a few hours but otherwise he just never slept, which was probably why he was such a fucking wreck.

Andrew actually told him to go to sleep once, because his pacing was freaking Andrew out, not that he'd ever admit to it.

Ronan told him to fuck off.

Andrew said he'd knock him out if he didn't stop pacing.

Ronan laughed, hysterically, and told him to do it, he'd thank him.

Andrew felt like he was serious, he sounded like he was, he sounded desperate.

Whatever the reason was why Ronan wouldn't sleep, he hated it. He stopped pacing after that. He'd just sit on his bed until morning staring at nothing. 

He wasn't the worst roommate Andrew had while he was in Juvie. Not by far. He was fucking mental and confusing as shit but he never tried to hurt or intimidate Andrew, which is probably why Andrew kissed him.

Did he really care that Ronan wasn't in his room? Not really. He had all but forgotten about Ronan Lynch ever since he was released. It's not like there was an actual bond between them.

But he was...just slightly curious what had become of the first boy he ever chosen to kiss.

He had broken into Wymack's file cabinet and read what the coach knew about Ronan, that's how he knew about the suicide attempt, not that Ronan made any attempts to hide his scars.

Still, he didn't seem as unhinged as he had when Andrew first met him. Maybe he had gotten better, maybe he had just learned to hide how screwed up he was. Andrew would figure it out eventually, probably once they took him to Columbia. 

  
Now he had to deal with Adam Parrish, the boy they actually got assigned as a roommate.

Adam looked like shit. Andrew had seen worse but that's only because he was with Neil and Neil was sort of a singularity when it came to scars and injuries. You couldn't really compare anyone to Neil. On a normal scale Adam looked like hell, which sort of made him fit right in.

He came into one of the living room of their dorm, only a backpack and a duffle in hand, expression blank. Andrew and Neil were sitting on the couch, watching TV, they had already finished unpacking. Nicky was in Matt's room with Kevin so it were only the three of them.

"Hey again.", Adam said and his voice cracked awfully, probably because someone had tried to choke him recently.

"Hey, to you, too. What the fuck happened?", Neil asked, jumping up from the couch.

Adam only gave a non-committal shrug. "What? Those? You should see the other guy.", the joke didn't fall flat because he didn't try to deliver it like one. "So which bed is free?", he then asked.

Neil glanced at Andrew but Andrew didn't give him any reaction looking back at the TV instead. Neil could handle Adam and Andrew would work on Ronan. With a sigh Neil got up and showed Adam the room that he would share with Nicky. Once the door to the room closed Neil looked back at Andrew.

"So this is starting out great.", he remarked in german. 

  
"What do you think this is, Neil. We're all here for a reason. You remember how you were when you arrived here?", Andrew reminded him, still in English.

"What if he hears you?", Neil asked, in German again.

"I'm quiet, the TV is playing, he's deaf in one ear and in another room.", Andrew replied. When he read Ronan's file he also took a peak into Adam's. He found an impeccable record and a bunch of unexplained injuries. 

  
"How do you know?", Neil asked and Andrew gave him a deadpan look. It only took Neil another second to catch on. "You need to stop reading everyone's files.", he said, sitting down next to Andrew again. "But what did it say?", he the asked and Andrew had to fight the urge because Neil had just become so goddamn predictable in some ways.

It was strange, knowing someone so well in some ways but not at all in others. They were still working on opening up to each other and by 'working on it' Andrew ment that they were bargaining for one truth at a time.

"An accident. He fell down some stairs and hit his head.", Andrew replied and Neil pulled a face.

"Totally.", he mumbled. For a moment he switched, for a moment Neil wasn't there, pulled into a different time. But it only took a second and he was back again, a grim expression on his face.

While Adam probably didn't have mob-boss parents,( at least Andrew hoped he didn't, he'd really rather not repeat last year's debacle,) it didn't take a genius to put the pieces together. Someone was hurting him and that someone was probably one of his parents. Neil could relate to that, Andrew could as well, to an extent. He had been a foster kid after all.

"When I arrived here I was in one piece.", Neil stated.

"Physically maybe.", Andrew remarked, not looking at Neil. Neill didn't argue because they both knew that Andrew was right.

"You think they'll be a problem?", Neil then asked.

'They' could've been Adam's parents or they could've been the new recruits themselves. Which one Neil ment wasn't really important. The answer was the same either way. "I don't know yet but we'll know after Columbia."

  
"You plan on taking both of them?", Neil asked and Andrew shook his head no. 

  
"All three."

  
Like on command the door to their room was kicked open and Ronan Lynch stood in the door frame, tall, dressed like a funeral, with a fucking Raven perched on his shoulder.

"What the fuck?", Neil hissed beside Andrew, getting to his feet. But Ronan paid them no attention.

"Parrish, move your ass here, if the maggot doesn't get her dinner soon she'll feast on Chainsaw.", he yelled.

"Speak for yourself, bitch. ", a female voice snapped and Blue Sargent ducked under Ronan's arm, making her way into the room as well.

Out of the trio Blue was the biggest mystery to Andrew. Adam and Ronan's issues he could understand. Blue didn't seem to have any, even though Ronan had claimed that she did, and even though something about her felt very off to Andrew.

"Sorry, we didn't get introduced last time. I'm Blue and I don't plan on eating his bird.",Blue said with a smile once she recognized Neil and Andrew from her recruitment. So Chainsaw was the name of the Raven.

"Neil, this is Andrew.", Neil replied with a hesitant smile. He knew that Andrew wouldn't introduce himself.

"God damn, I'm coming. ", Adam sighed, stepping out of the bedroom. Even though his tone was annoyed he had a grin on his face once he saw his friends. "You're a menace.", he told Ronan and Ronan only shrugged. Still, he seemed satisfied with that reaction.

Adam had turned his attention to Neil and Andrew for the moment. "Okay, see you later.", he shrugged before following his friends out. Ronan was the last one to leave and made a point to slam the door behind him.

"Was that an actual Raven on his shoulder?",Neil asked, still staring at the door. 

  
"I gotta admit, that ones new.", Andrew replied.

 _Fuck_. The new foxes were weird as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so Renee and Andrew are quite...intuitive in this fic, because I say so. I'm also playing with the idea of making Andrew something a little more supernatural as well. Tell me your thoughts on that!


	4. Told you not to worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EYY! Another update! I honestly can't wait to get to the Columbia chapter so I'm just writing away. It might be the next chapter or the one after that. But the plot sort of really gets started after Columbia so I want to get there as soon as possible.
> 
> PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE STORY IN THE COMMENTS! Your comments are honestly the most motivating thing ever!

The first training session on Monday went as well as you'd expect. 

The new foxes all had one large factor working against them. Blue was motivated and gave it her all but her technical training was lacking.

Adam was better trained but slowed down by his injuries that seemed to extend to the parts of his body that weren't as visible as his face. 

Ronan was well trained and talented but didn't give a fuck. 

Once they were done Kevin was furious with all three of them. Neil was more lenient than that. Adam's injuries weren't his fault, neither was Blue's inexperience. He'd be a huge hypocrite if he reprimanded them for that. They'd get there eventually.

The only one he could actually be upset with was Ronan. His amount of effort was almost as unpredictable as Andrew's. One might've thought that any similarity to Andrew would've endeared Ronan to Neil, but not when it was one of Andrew's most frustrating qualities.

Sometimes Ronan was amazing, an unstoppable force, especially when he got to play alongside Adam and Blue. His friends seemed to be the only ones that were able to excite him. But his mood could shift in seconds and suddenly he just didn't care to try at all. It was very annoying. 

  
After practice Wymack called the newbies over to discuss their strengths and weaknesses, what they'd have to work on essentially. 

The rest of the team piled towards the showers. "Are we placing our bets now or what?", Matt asked once they could be sure that the new Foxes were out of earshot.

Placing bets on pretty much everything was sort of their thing. None of them had a whole lot of time to observe their new teammates since they had mostly kept to themselves the previous day. That didn't stop the Foxes from voicing their assumption.

"I'm placing 25$ on Adam and Blue being a thing.", Dan stated.

"Bullshit. Have you seen Blue? She gives off big homo vibes. 30$ on her being gay or at least bi.", Allison argued. 

"If she's with one of them it'd be Ronan. They both got that alternative vibe going on.", Matt said. 

"I think we're being a bit heteronormative here. Who says that the boys aren't an item? ", Nicky threw in. 

"What? With that aggressive masculinity of Raven Boy? Nah."

"Maybe Adam is gay, I could see that."

"You're stereotyping."

"You just want Ronan to be gay because you think he's hot."

"So what?! I'm sorry that I have eyes. Sue me! And besides that, you're the one who wants Blue to be gay! Does that mean tinge into her?"

"Fuck off Nicky. Just because I'm No doesn't mean I'm into Blue. She looks like the kinda girl who pretended to be a wolf in middle school."

Their rambling went back and forth until everyone settled on their stance and all their bets were noted. 

Most of the foxes assumed that Blue was straight but Dan and Aaron bet on her being with Adam while Matt and Kevin saw her fitting better with Ronan. 

Allison was the only one who bet on Blue being gay, or at least into girls, and Allison and Renee both bet on neither of the trio dating. 

Nicky bet on Ronan and Adam dating and Neil agreed with him. He remembered how Adam had Ronan under control back when they recruited them, and how Adam's mood seemed to lift the other day as soon as Ronan was present.

He also thought of Andrew, who had kissed Ronan. He tried not think of that. It proved difficult when the conversation came to a close and everyone waited on Andrew to place his bet.

Andrew regarded them all with the same bored expression before turning around and heading for the showers. Right before stepping through the door he announced:"100$ says that Ronan is gay."

With that he pissed off. 

"When I say it I'm desperate but when Andrew does it's fine?", Nicky groaned and something flared in Neil's chest at the indication in those words. He send Nicky a glare who replied with an apologetic smile.

Neil wasn't jealous. There was no reason for that. Andrew and him were fine. Everything was fine.

The evening after the first practice the upperclassmen went out for dinner and in the spirit of teambuilding they invited the monsters and the new Foxes as well. They took them out to an Italian restaurant and all gathered around a large table. 

At first the conversation stayed very surface level. They asked very basic things of the new trios past. How they met and became friends, how they got into Exy, what their majors were. Stuff like that.

Even though the upperclassmen didn't agree with Andrew's method of taking newbies to Columbia to drug them and find out all their secrets they were obviously curious as well. Slowly the questions got more and more intrusive until Allison asked the obvious one. "So who ran you over with their truck?" 

The question was directed towards Adam. He didn't reply. Blue did, not missing a beat.

"He fought a bear."

"He lost.", Ronan supplied, not even caring enough to look up from his pizza. 

"The wilderness of Henrietta is savage.", Blue finished with a smile that clearly stated that they were done talking about this. 

Adam had his eyes lowered but Neil didn't miss the pleased grin on his lips. It had something very private but also smug about it.

Allison wasn't ready to give up on this yet. "Look, I'm not trying to pry or anything-",she started.

"Then stop.", Blue interrupted her, still smiling but there was a dangerous edge to her voice, a warning. Ronan had looked up from his food now, glaring daggers at Allison instead. 

Allison wasn't intimidated that easily. "-but last time we had someone who had a perpetual secrecy problem that someone was almost killed by the mob. No offence, Neil." 

"None taken.", Neil shrugged, stuffing more noodles into his mouth. 

"Then let's calm that fear of yours. None of us have ties to the mob.", Blue stated. 

"I don't know about that. Henry's mom is pretty shady. If you marry Henry you might marry into the mob.", Adam stated, his voice amused.

Blue gave him an offended glare. "You're turning on me? Really? After I defended you?", she asked and Adam replied with a shrug and a cheeky smile on his lips.

"He's got a point you know. Do you know if Henry is planned on taking over after Seondeok?", Ronan asked, not smiling but clearly amused. 

"Will you shut up? They might actually believe your bullshit. Henry isn't part of the mob.", Blue snapped. This time Ronan actually chuckled.

"Of course not.", Adam said, his tone exaggerated as he nodded at the other foxes with a meaningful look.

"Wait, who's Henry?", Kevin asked. 

"Blue's boyfriend. Or, one of them.", Adam replied. 

"Shit.", Allison cursed, just having lost part of her bet. So blue want a lesbian after all.

"One of them? How many have you got?", Nicky asked confused. 

"Two.", Blue replied simply, still glaring at her friends warningly. 

"And they know about each other?", Neil asked with raised eyebrows. He wouldn't have taken Blue as a girl who slept around much.

"Of course. They are each other's boyfriends as well. It's called polygamy, get with the times.", Blue said, relaxing a little now, a smile ghosting her lips. "Also, you shouldn't believe anything these idiots say. Neither of them are part of the mob."

Neil couldn't imagine how that worked out. Didn't they get jealous? Neil didn't have to share Andrew with anyone and he still sometimes got jealous. 

Sometimes.

More like right now. It hadn't gone past him how Andrew's attention had been focused on Ronan this whole time. How Andrew subtly observed the other boy whenever no one was looking. No one but Neil.

It was an ugly feeling, born out of insecurity. He told himself that it was distrust that motivated Andrew, not interest. Andrew had told Neil that he liked him better. There was no reason to doubt his words. 

Except that things between him and Andrew were still...complicated.

Complicated because Andrew hated admitting that there was anything between them at all. 

Complicated because Neil was insecure and even though Andrew had proven to Neil that he cared about him, he still feared that Andrew would eventually loose interest.

Complicated because Andrew loved Neil so much that it was utterly terrifying to him. Neil was too good to be real and Andrew knew that eventually he'd just dissolve like everything good in Andrew's life did.

Neil didn't know about that last one and Andrew would prefer to keep it that way. So Neil was left to his feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. 

The conversation had moved on without Neil noticing. The trio had made it obvious that they wouldn't talk about what happened to Adam so the topic passed.

Now Blue was explaining to a very intrigued audience how her relationship with two people worked out. 

"- it's all about communication to be honest. And you have to make sure that no one feels excluded. We also do a lot of things in pairs. Gansey and I go on late-night drives, Henry and I listen to the same music and we go to record stores and concerts together. I'm not entirely sure what Gansey and Henry do together. I imagine them to get possessed by the spirit of Oscar Wild and just be very sad and eccentric. It sounds like something the brats would enjoy.", there was no malice in her tone, only fondness, love, admiration. All about it was warm. 

"I don't get it but you seem happy.", Andrew suddenly stated. It actually startled the foxes because it was a very not-Andrew-like thing to say. It didn't sound genuine either. It sounded like a challenge, like a dare, his eyes were drills, glaring at Blue.

Blue didn't know Andrew well enough to understand how out of character that statement was. But she seemed to notice his intense look, the weird tone of his voice. 

"Are you happy?", he then asked and a hush fell over the entire group. This time it sounded like a threat. 

"Of course.", Blue replied, too fast. But she didn't back down from Andrew's glare. Something flashed in Andrew's eyes and Neil could see the corners of Andrew's mouth twitch. 

"Could've fooled me.", he then shrugged and all the tension left him as he returned his attention to his food, the blank expression returning to his face. As if nothing had happened.

Blue was left to stare at him, lost. The rest of the foxes tried to pick up the pieces of the conversation afterwards, knowing that questioning Andrew's weird behaviour wouldn't get them anywhere. Blue didn't say anything after that, she didn't finish her food either, her eyes just stared at the plate in front of her, far away. Neil didn't miss the worried looks Ronan and Adam exchanged. 

What the fuck was going on here?

~

They met at the roof again that night. Andrew knew that Neil would follow him up here, it was one of the ways in which he had become predictable. 

They sat at the edge of the roof like they always did, enough space between them to keep Andrew comfortable. It still fucked Andrew up how considered Neil was to Andrew's needs. Sometimes Andrew felt like he shouldn't trust it, like it was all just a massive trick that Neil was playing on Andrew to get him to let down his guard. 

Andrew handed Neil one lit cigarette before lighting himself another one. He could anticipate today's topic of discussion. That didn't mean threat he was prepared for it.

"What was that about? With Blue?", Neil asked after a few minutes of silence and Andrew repressed a sigh.

"It's not your turn.", he pointed out, in a weak attempt to deflect the question.

"This shouldn't be a secret. I'm just asking you normally.", Neil said and Andrew clenched his teeth. He just didn't reply, he was stubborn like that. Unfortunately Neil was stubborn as well, and unrelenting. It was one of those qualities that Andrew appreciate and hated equally.

"So?", Neil asked, still waiting for an answer. Andrew took a drag and blew the smoke into Neil's face.

"I don't know.", he then admitted. 

"You don't know?", Neil repeated, dumbfounded. 

"Yes. That's what I said.", Andrew nodded. He didn't fucking know why he said that to Blue. 

"But I don't understand."

"Neither do I." That was the most infuriating part. Andrew didn't do things without a reason. Everything he did in life was about cause and effect. Neil had been an exception in that regard. Neil had made Andrew feel, which only few people could. Blue, not only a girl but also a total stranger, surely wasn't one of those people.

"Stop staring at me like that.", Andrew snapped because Neil was looking at him as if he had absolutely lost his mind. 

"Not until you explain yourself. You never do anything without a reason.", Neil pointed out because he knew Andrew to well. Foolish, really. It was a sign that he had gotten too vulnerable, that someone could call him out like this. 

"I didn't say that there was no reason. All I'm saying is that I don't know it yet.", Andrew replied. He tried not to show his frustration with the situation, he kept his expression blank, his tone bored. Somehow Neil could still tell, he always could and it drove Andrew mad. Neil just continued to stare at Andrew expectantly until Andrew cracked. Andrew never cracked. Unless... Unless when it came to Neil. 

"Fuck, you're annoying. Okay, whatever. ", he groaned, flicking away his cigarette bud and lighting himself a new one. Only once he inhaled the smoke a few times, only once his lungs burned and felt too tight, he replied. 

"I have a feeling.", he stated and the words left a bitter taste in his mouth, or maybe it was just the cigarette.

"Shocker!", Neil said sarcastically and Andrew nudged his ribs with his elbow.

"Shut up.", he snapped before gathering the courage to talk about this. It was Neil, after all. Neil who wouldn't use this against him. Neil who wasn't out to get Andrew.

"I have a feeling about her and I can't put it quite into words, yet. She feels...strange. She also feels like she's lying. ", he tried to explain but the words didn't even sounds satisfying to his own ears. He couldn't do better, though. 

When Andrew listened to her talk about her boyfriends, he felt dread. Dread, sadness and confusion. Andrew worked really hard on not feeling anything, including that.

But the weird thing was, they didn't even feel like they were his own feelings, they felt like they were Blue's. That's why he'd asked if she was happy. When she'd said yes Andrew knew that it had been a lie.

Some people might classify that as Andrew being empathetic. If he explained it to Neil this way he'd probably say the same. It wasn't empathy though.

Against popular opinion Andrew was actually capable of feeling empathy, he just chose to ignore it most of the time.  
He didn't see a point in acting on it, that didn't mean that he never felt it.

That hadn't been empathy. That had been much louder. Everything had become louder when Blue was around but she was the loudest. It's like her feelings were bleeding into Andrew's. But he seemed to be the only one to notice it.

"About what?", Neil asked, snapping Andrew out of his thoughts. _About being happy, about being normal, about being okay._ They were lies that Andrew had told a thousand smiles. He could sniff them out by now.

But hearing Blue lie like that had been different. He felt the lie instead of noticing it, he felt the emotions connected it. Besides that, the lies didn't fit the girl. Andrew remembered Ronan tell them that Blue had issues, issues that he himself couldn't figure out yet even though they were friends. 

"I don't know yet. It just feels like she's holding something back. Neil, I don't fucking understand this either.", Andrew said, in a way that made it clear that he was done talking about this. At least for now, at least as long as he didn't understand it himself. 

"Will you tell me? Once you know, I mean.", Neil asked. He had stopped staring at Andrew, looking down at his hands instead. He was twirling his own cigarette between his fingers. 

Andrew's own eyes raked over Neil's hands, over the pattern of cuts and burnscars on them and his chest felt tight the way it always did when he thought about Baltimore. Neil didn't talk much about it, he had told Andrew more than he had the FBI, more than anyone, but it still felt like Andrew only ever saw the surface.

Sometimes Neil spoke in his sleep. Sometimes he begged for it to stop. Andrew would lay in his own bed and listen to Neil whimper in his sleep, listen to him toss and turn until he woke up with a small gasp.

He didn't tell Neil that he spoke in his sleep, he didn't tell him that he heard him say 'please'. He didn't tell Neil that it made him sick.

"I will.", he breathed out. Neil gave him a surprised look that Andrew shrugged off. He ment it. He'd tell Neil if he figured this out. Secrets had turned out deadly for them. That didn't mean that Andrew could share all of his, but he'd give away what he could. For Neil he would.

"Who knows, maybe I'm just going crazy.", Andrew then said, with a humorless laugh.  
  
"What else is new.", Neil smirked and Andrew rolled with his eyes. That mouthy idiot.

"Fuck you.", snapped but there was no venom behind his words. When he looked at Neil, the other boy smiled at him.

"You, too."


	5. We don't deal with outsiders very well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD ITS THE COLUMBIA CHAPTER!
> 
> Just in time for the last day of Christmas! THIS one was sort of a monstrosity to write, quite literally. You'll see what I mean. But this chapter really gets the story started. Also, a warning for non-consenual drug use. It's bad. And not in the way you'd expect. 
> 
> Also, in the end notes I'll explain a bit about Andrew's powers in this story so check that out.

Things didn't get any less peculiar with the Raven kids. That's what the other Foxes had named the new ones because of Ronan Lynch's raven Chainsaw. How he had managed to tame a fucking raven was a question that nobody had managed to get a straight answer to yet.

In general the Raven-kids were pretty good at deflecting unwanted questions. When Allison asked Blue about the source of her eye-scar, for example. 

"Chainsaw attacked me.", Blue replied simply which earned her an annoyed shove from Ronan. 

"She'd never do that, maggot. Don't blame your faults on my bird." Then he turned to Allison and told her, completely serious, that Blue just really struggled to get out a contact lense and got a little frustrated.

"The truth is that Blue was in a bitch fight. And bitches fight dirty.", Adam explained with a grin. 

"You know, you could've just said that you don't want to talk about it.", Allison sighed exasperated. 

"Yeah, but this way you're annoyed and not intrigued.", Blue shrugged. 

"Do you even wear contacts?"

"Nope!", Blue replied with a wide smile. 

Their stubborn conviction to not spill any of their secrets wasn't the only thing that was weird about them, though. They were just... strange in general. 

Matt told Neil that he once woke up to Ronan's bed being completely drenched in water, like he had spilled buckets of it over himself at night, it smelled of seawater for days. 

Renee once mentioned that Blue worried her because she cried in her sleep, quietly, not making a sound. Just endless tears streaming down her face. 

And Nicky swore that he once caught Blue and Adam in their room, sitting across from each other, holding hands with a bowl of water between them that Adam stared into, completely out of it.

All of that had sparked multiple new bets but the wildest one was that they had all escaped from the same cult. 

Neil honestly couldn't wait for their weekend in Columbia. At this point his interest was peaked. "That's how we felt about you, you know.", Nicky once said with a grin. 

Blue and Adam were fairly easy to convince of joining them and Ronan went where ever his friends went. So on Friday night they packed the Raven kids into Andrew's car. 

Kevin, Aaron and Nicky took a separate ride. Kevin had gotten himself his own car this summer, another symbol of his independence. 

The monsters had discussed their plan prior. They'd take the trio to Sweeties for dinner first and then to Eden's Twilight. At dinner Blue and Adam turned out to be easy company, happily talking to the others about this and that. Ronan was much more brooding but he wasn't the silent type.

When the waiters brought them the cracker dust neither of them flinched and Ronan participated without a second thought even though Adam gave him an annoyed look.

When they arrived at Eden's Twilight things got really interesting. The trio wasn't as adverse to partying as Neil had been. Neither Blue or Adam drank but they followed Nicky and Aaron to the dance floor while Ronan stayed back, drinking Vodka shots with Kevin and Andrew.

Neil gave Andrew a look before following Nicky and the others to the dancefloor.

That's when their plan was set into motion. Neil and Aaron would take care of Adam while Andrew and Kevin focused on Ronan. They all assumed that Blue would be easiest to handle so Neil took care of her by himself. 

They'd drug the trio and get them to spill their secrets, one by one. Neil had asked half a dozen times if the drugs were safe. "They didn't kill you, did they?", Andrew then asked and Neil shut up.

Getting the drugs into Adam's drink was easy, Andrew had told Roland what they were planning on beforehand. And before long Adam Parrish was a mess. He was leaning against the bar, holding onto it like it was the only thing to keep him upright. 

"How are we holding up?", Aaron asked, a cruel smile on his lips. Andrew glared at them, or he tried to but his eyes were drooping and he struggled to focus on them.

"I don't- feel-", he stammered, his eyes shooting around frantically. Finally they landed on the drink he was still clutching in his hand. His eyes widened comically before shooting over to Neil. "The fuck- did you do-?", he asked, his words slurring slightly.

Neil could remember how that felt, the loss of control. Did he feel bad about it? A little, but they were doing no actual harm to him and Neil had learned the hard way how deadly too many secrets could be. 

"Hey, everything is fine, take a seat.", Neil said calmly, pulling up a stool behind Adam that the boy crashed into. 

"Ronan-Blue- ", he gasped, his eyes looking around, searching for the faces of his friends. 

"Hey, they're fine. You're with us now.", Aaron snapped, stepping closer until he was all that Adam could see. 

"We have a few questions. A few things we've been wondering about.", Neil stated, taking his place beside Aaron. 

Adam looked from Aaron to Neil, his eyebrows pulled into a frown. "Who- you workin- for?", he snarled as well as he could but Neil still felt the anger coming off of him. _Working for?_ That wasn't a normal thing to say. That's something that donations who's on the run would say. _Interesting_. 

"We're not working for anyone. We are just curious. Everything you tell us will stay confidential of course.", Aaron explained, a twisted smile on his lips. "So why don't you start by telling us about your injuries? Where'd you get them?", Aaron then continued before placing his hands against the bruises on Adam's neck, they fit the shape of hands perfectly, formed like large fingers, curling around Adam's throat.

Adam didn't flinch. He just stared up at them with empty eyes and for a moment Neil thought that he was either ignoring them or he hadn't understood the question. That is, until he spat up into Aaron's face. Aaron flinched back in surprise and Adam pulled away from his hand, swaying on his chair. "Fuck you-", he snarled but Neil could see that he was quickly losing what little control he had left. 

He doubled over, trying to brace himself on his own knees. Aaron just went to grab Adam by his hair and pull him upright again when Neil heard Blue Sargent's angry voice over the sound of the music. 

"I swear to god, Nicky! I don't know what your deal is but I'm going to find my friends-", her voice broke off when she saw Adam and rushed towards him, pushing past Neil and Aaron. 

Nicky followed close behind her a desperate expression on his face. "Fuck-", he breathed out once he saw her reach Adam. 

"What the fuck, Nicky? Why's she fine?", Aaron asked under his breath and Neil gave him a glare as well. This wasn't going according to plan at all.

"I don't know! She should be high as fuck by now! I put the stuff in her drink, she drank it, I don't know either. " Of course Nicky had been loud in his defence and of course Blue heard, turning around with a shocked expression.

"You tried to drug me?!", she asked, absolutely disgusted before an expression of worry flashed across her face. "Did you drug Adam, too?!" With that she cradled Adam's face in her hands, gently lifting it so that she could look him in his eyes. 

"-lue- don- feel so goo-", Adam slurred, his movements sluggish, his eyes barely open anymore.

"Fuck-", Blue whispered and Neil could hear fear in her voice, actual panic. It was in her eyes as well when she glanced over at the boys. Then she seemed to realize that one of her boys was missing. "Where's Ronan-", she whispered, her eyes shooting from Nicky and Aaron to Neil. "What did you do to him?", she asked, horrified. Like they'd actually do anything to them, like Ronan was in actual danger.

In that moment Blue looked haunted. It didn't fit her at all but right then that deadly fear was wtitten all over her face.  
This wasn't normal and Neil wasn't sure what to do. 

He didn't get a chance to react, though. Blue made a move. In a split second she was standing inches away from Neil and he could feel something sharp grazing his shirt and the skin underneath. 

Blue had pulled a knife on him and it was now aiming right between two of his ribs. He could've pulled free from her grip on his shoulder but she would only have to move inches to stab him. It was the most unexpected thing he had experienced in a while. 

Blue's expression was unlike anything he'd ever seen on her. Her eyes seemed darker, like black holes and her glare was cold and vicious, she looked more like Ronan than herself. "Where the fuck is Ronan?!", she hissed, poking Neil a little more with her knife. 

"Calm down. Nobody is hurting anyone here.",Neil stated, keeping his cool. He had endured way worse but he also would rather not get stabbed. 

"Shut the fuck up! Where's Ronan?!", Blue spoke through gritted teeth and Neil felt her knife break his skin ever so slightly. He could've fought her off but it didn't seem like the brightest idea to attack a small girl in a club full of witnesses. 

"He's fine, we'll bring you to him! Now put that thing away-", Neil's words died in his throat when Kevin suddenly ran towards them, a panicked expression on his face. He hadn't look this freaked out since Riko. 

When he saw them he came straight over to the group. He didn't seem to notice that Blue had a knife pointing at Neil, none of them had, she'd hidden it between their bodies. Surprisingly Kevin approached Blue of all people. His voice was breathless when he spoke. "Andrew's sending me. Something is wrong with your friend."

Blue's face fell, fury made way for worry. She stepped away from Neil and he saw the metal of a switch blade reflect in the club lights between them before it disappeared in one of the countless pockets of Blue's dress. 

She headed for Adam, pulling him off the stool and placing his arm over her shoulders, supporting most of his weight herself. "Bring me to him.", she ordered. When Nicky moved to help her support Adam she glared at him. "Don't you dare touch him!", she snapped before following Kevin. 

Nicky gave Neil a freaked out look and Neil felt the same. Things hadn't been going according to plan for them either but what could've happened to Ronan that would've convinced Andrew to call for help? 

Kevin lead them to the staff bathroom. He stepped in first, with the other's following him. In front of Neil Blue froze and once he had a clear view he could see why. 

Andrew stood by the sink, he was always the first thing Neil saw. Andrew had a bunch of tissues in his hands, soaked in something dark and when he looked up at them, there was something in his eyes. Anyone who didn't know Andrew, or even people who didn't know him as intimately as Neil did, would only see his usual black expression. Neil saw fear, or however close Andrew could get to it. It made Neil's blood freeze in his veins.

Then his attention moved to the body laying on the floor next to the sink. Neil wasn't sure what he was looking at. He stared and stared and it didn't make any more sense. 

Ronan Lynch was half laying, half sitting, propped up against the wall. All the tension, all the sharp edges that were such an integral part of his being were gone. He looked frail and brittle, which should've been an awful sight in of it self. But the worst of it was what was happening to his face. 

Black ooze was running from his nose, eyes and ears. It wasn't just black, it was an absolute absence of light. Liquid void was running down his cheeks.

Apparently Andrew had tried to stop the...Neil didn't know what to call it. Bleeding? But it wasn't stopping, by now most of Ronan's face was smeared in it and it had trailed down his neck. If his shirt wasn't black already they'd see that it was stained. 

The sight was so wrong and repulsive that Neil found himself thinking _he's dead_ for a second. Then he heard Ronan take a wet rattling breath.

~

Things had started out as usual. Ronan was drinking, Andrew watched him closely, waiting for the right moment to mix in the drugs. Ronan was talking to Kev, about Exy of all things. Even though he acted like he didn't Ronan seemed actually interested in the sport. He became more personable the more he drank in general, making jokes, not snarling and brooding all the time. 

Once Andrew got the drugs into his system things got interesting. Ronan excused himself and left to the bathroom and he seemed to notice the effect on his way back. 

That's when Andrew stopped him in the crowd. "You feel it now, Lynch?", he had asked and Ronan had glared at him, swaying on his feet. 

"What the fuck did you do?", Ronan snapped but it was difficult for him to keep his sharp tone when his control was dwindling. 

"Just making you more approachable, buddy.", Andrew replied before grabbing onto Ronan's shoulders and manoeuvring him to one wall of the club, away from the crowd. 

"I'm not your buddy-", he spat and Andrew raised his eyebrows. 

"Wow. I'm really hurt. After everything we went through together?", Andrew asked, his tone sarcastic. Ronan slumped against the wall and looked down at Andrew, his expression confused. "You really don't remember me, huh?", Andrew then said. He wasn't disappointed or anything. Just surprised. More so than he'd expected. 

"What are you talking about-", Ronan asked, completely clueless. 

"You've been to Juvie, remember? I'm just asking because even back then you seemed pretty out of it. And to see you not recognizing your old roommate? Really makes me wonder if you just completely forgot about your entire time there. "

Andrew watched undetstanding and recognition dawn on Ronan's face. "That was you?", he asked and Andrew could feel something close to amusement at Ronan's bewildered expression. 

"And you drug me- 'cause I don't- remember you-", Ronan stammered, the drugs slowly taking over. 

"Don't flatter yourself, Lynch.", Andrew returned. "I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong with you and your friends. Because something is definitely up with your little group and after two weeks of watching you I still don't get it. In my experience, things that I don't understand tend to blow up in my face. So why don't you start by telling me how life has been treating you since we last saw each other."

Ronan's face formed into a hateful grimace, only slightly softened by the drugs. "Piss off- don't have to tell you anything-", he said, his words slurring a little. 

That's when Andrew saw it. In the dim light it looked like blood, running from Ronan's nose and beading on his lip. 

"You've got a nose-bleed.", Andrew stated, calmly, because who cared all that much about a nose-bleed, anyways. But when Ronan reach for his face and looked at the blood smeared on his fingers, his look was pure terror. 

"Fuck-", he whispered. 

"It's just a nose-bleed.", Andrew said, not understanding what the issue was.

Ronan gave him an alarmed look and a slight shake of his head. "It's not. I need to get out of here.", he said, his voice so faint that Andrew barely heard him over the sound of the music. 

And Andrew helped him. Because Ronan was panicking. Because suddenly, this was serious. And Andrew didn't hate Ronan. He didn't care much for him either but he didn't hate him. 

He helped Ronan to get to the staff bathroom. Along the way he caught Kevin and told him to tell Roland that they'd go in there and shouldn't be disturbed. 

Only once they stepped into the harsh light of the bathroom, Andrew realized that Ronan wasn't having a nose-bleed. The liquid dripping from his nose wasn't blood. Andrew didn't know what it was, he'd never seen anything like it before. 

Ronan stumbled over to the sink and he grabbed onto it as if he'd fall otherwise. The look he gave himself in the mirror was wide-eyed and crazed. He blinked and suddenly that same black ooze came out of his eyes. Black tears, trailing down his face. 

Andrew's mind was blank. He had absolutely no idea what to do because he had no clue what was even going on. Before he knew, Ronan collapsed, Andrew couldn't tell if it was because of the drugs, the panic or because of what was going on with him, maybe a mix of all three. 

Suddenly Andrew found himself kneeling in front of Ronan, trying to stop the rivers of black ooze spilling over his face with tissues. But there was no stopping it and before long it was coming out of his ears as well. 

"What the fuck is this?", Andrew heard himself ask, his voice agitated. He didn't care to hide his emotions right then. He was too freaked out. 

"Nightwash.", Ronan coughed out, as if that cleared up anything. Andrew could barely see the whites of his eyes, they were tainted by his black tears.

"What can I do?", Andrew asked and Ronan shook his head. 

"Nothing- I need Adam- or Blue-", he stammered. That's when Kevin entered the bathroom. He froze in the doorway, staring at the sight before him. 

"Don't stand there, idiot! Get help, Adam or Blue!", Andrew snapped and Kevin turned on his heel, running out again. 

Andrew returned his attention to Ronan. His breathing got heavier and he still wouldn't stop bleeding. Andrew looked down at the piles of tissues that were already soaked. 

"What the fuck is this, Ronan?", Andrew asked, at a total loss. Andrew had seen a bunch of fucked up stuff in his life. He had never seen anything even close to this. Andrew was freaking out, he suddenly realized. He hadn't done that since... since Baltimore. He was out of control and he fucking hated it, hated himself for it. 

Ronan had the audacity to laugh. It was humorless and rattling, an awful sound really. "I'm dying."

"Shut up! People don't just die like this!", Andrew snapped before getting up to dump some of the tissues into the sink. 

Ronan's head rolled to one side and he glanced up at Andrew. A cough made his body spasm and suddenly the black ooze was running from his mouth. _Shit, shit, shit._ Andrew was in a fucking horror movie. 

"I'm not people.", Ronan grinned up at him, his teeth stained black. 

Andrew just went to say something when the door to the bathroom opened. Suddenly all the monsters came rushing in and Andrew spotted Blue, supporting Adam who was completely out of it. 

Only now Andrew realized that if everything had gone according to plan, neither Blue nor Adam would've been coherent enough to help. Blue was focused though, she was horrified but focused. Her presence made everything louder and sharper and Andrew suddenly felt just so much worse. He felt her fury, her panic and worry, but he also felt Ronan's, he felt the confusion and horror of the other Monsters. He was drowning in it. All he wanted to do was run away but he needed to stay to understand what was going on. 

Blue stopped and lowered Adam to the floor carefully. Only then she rushed over to Ronan, kneeling next to him. "Ronan- Ronan- no-", she gasped, her hands cradling his face. 

"Blue? Where's Adam?", Ronan asked, his eyes looking around frantically.

"He can't talk right now, you're stuck with me.", Blue replied. "Ronan, when did you dream last?"

"A while...", Ronan replied before another wave of coughs made more black spill down his chin. 

"How long?!", Blue snapped and her desperation was a vice on Andrew's heart. 

"Not since the water incident. ", Ronan admitted and the words made no sense to Andrew but her shock did. 

"That was two weeks ago! I asked you if you need to go to the barnes! You lied to us!" Her voice was quivering and Andrew felt like crying. Not because he did but because Blue did. 

"I thought I was fine-", Ronan mumbled but Blue wasn't having any of it. 

"You're not! Ronan, we had a deal! I'm not letting you die so that I can go to college!", Blue yelled. Ronan didn't flinch, he only stared at her as he slowly unravelled.  
"Go to sleep, Ronan!", Blue than ordered as if that would solve anything. 

Ronan shook his head, slowly, as if it was strenuous. "Blue, we're nowhere near a ley line, Chainsaw isn't here, I won't be able to control it.", he then said, his tone apologetic. It didn't make Blue feel better. 

"You should've thought about that before. We won't make it back in time, you need to dream now! Or would you rather die" 

Ronan didn't answer right away. He just looked at Blue and Andrew could feel his fear. "Don't make me.", he whispered and it sounded like he was begging. It made Andrew sick and that were his own feelings shining through.

Blue wouldn't budge. "Where are your pills?", she asked. "Kavinsky's pills. I know you have them. I know Declan makes you carry them in case you need to sleep.", her voice was like steel but her body started to shake. 

"No...please...Blue... Don't...", Ronan pleaded, his words slurring more and more.

Blue started to search the pockets of his pants and he struggled against her but he was weakened by whatever was happening to him and before long Blue pulled out a small pill container. 

"I need booze, Vodka, anything, please-", Blue exclaimed and Andrew needed a second to realize that she was asking them for help. Andrew looked over at his friends, at all their shocked faces and gave Kevin a nod. The other man rushed off to get the booze. 

He returned not even a minute later with a bottle of vodka in hand that he gave Blue. Ronan was properly panicking now. Trembling underneath Blue's hands, whipping his head around. "Don't- don't-make me- please-"

Blue started to cry somewhere along the way, silent tears running down her face to mirror Ronan's black ones. She grabbed his head and stopped him from moving, she forced a pill into his mouth before lifting the bottle to his lips and forcing the liquor down his throat. It was horrifying. Blue was whimpering, apologizing over and over again.

Ronan calmed down once she let go of him before slowly drifting off until his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing slowed down. Blue didn't stop. Violent sobs wrecked her body but she still didn't stop moving, she picked up more tissues and started to clean his face. Ronan didn't wake up but he didn't bleed anymore either so whatever this was, apparently they had fixed it, or so Andrew hoped. 

Once Ronan was mostly clean again Blue got up, she had forced herself to stop crying. She checked on Adam who was still pretty out of it. " 's Ronan okay?", he asked, unaware of what was going on.

"Yeah. He's fine. I promise. I'll watch out for him. You can relax.", Blue said, forcing a smile as another tear escaped. Adam didn't notice and just closed his eyes as well. 

Only then did Blue aknowledge that the other's were here. She turned towards them, taking them in, and all that fear and sorrow turned to fury. "Get out!", she spoke through gritted teeth. 

"What the fuck was that?", Aaron asked alarmed. He was the only one with a science major, if anyone should've know what the hell was wrong with Ronan it should've been him. Apparently not. 

"You drugged my friends! Get the hell out of here!", Blue growled and suddenly there was a knife in her hand, a pink switch blade. She shouldn't have looked intimidating. Who was scared of a tiny girl in a funny dress with a pink knife in her hand? But Andrew was proof that size didn't matter, only intention. And Blue was hell bend on protecting her friends. "Get out!", she repeated, charging at them and that alone actually got most of them to rush out. 

Only Andrew and Neil remained. Andrew looked at Neil for the first time since this whole mess started. Neil gave him a weary nod. He'd stay by Andrew side. 

"You aren't invited to stay either. ", Blue snapped but her tone had lost some of its edge. She was exhausted. 

"We're not leaving until you explain what the fuck is going on!", Neil said. 

Blue laughed at that, it was hollow and sad."You wouldn't believe me, even if I told you. You'd think I'm crazy."

"Try us. People think I'm crazy, too.", Andrew stated because it was the truth and because he was sick of being confused. 

Blue looked at him for a long time, her expression had turned blank but Andrew could tell that she was considering it.

"Fine. You asked for it.", She finally spat. "Ronan is a dreamer." 

"A what?", Neil asked. And then Blue explained it to them.

"A dreamer. He can take things out of his dreams and make them real. He's fucking magic. And I know how that sounds but if we were at the dorms I could prove it to you. His bird is a dream thing, so are the flowers in my room, so is my fucking car! It doesn't have an engine, it shouldn't drive. He can make whatever he wants but if he doesn't do it regularly this happens. He unravels, he dies.

He was worried about leaving Henrietta because he can control his dreams there. It's a long story but Henrietta is build on these things called ley lines. They are magical lines that run through the entire world. They focus his powers so that he can dream safely. Our college is near one of those ley lines which is why we thought he'd be fine but the first time he dreamt he accidentally brought a whole bunch of sea water with him."

At this point Neil let out a little gasp and he looked like he just had a realization. "What?", Andrew asked.

Neil looked from Blue to Andrew. "Matt said that he woke up to Ronan's bed drenched in water, it smelled of the ocean. " he explained. 

"Yes. We asked if he needed to go back to Henrietta to dream but he said he had it under control. Apparently he didn't dream since then because he's a stubborn idiot with a fucking death wish. And that leaves us here.", Blue finished. She looked tired, so fucking tired. With a sigh she dropped to the floor, looking over to her sleeping friends. 

"What now?", Neil asked, implying that he believed her. Surprisingly Andrew did, too. Her story made a shocking amount of sense, even though it was absolutely outlandish. But nothing rational could explain away what was happening here, so it might as well be something irrational. 

"We aren't near a ley line, Adam is to out of it to help him focus, he has no way of controlling his dreams.", Blue replied, not looking away from Ronan's sleeping form like she expected him to attack her. Maybe she did. 

"How bad can it be?", Neil asked and Blue glanced over at him. 

"Ronan has nightterrors when he can't control his dreams. He's been attacked by his own creations more than once."

 _Fuck_.

"We can only wait. It shouldn't be too long. He will hurry to get it over with.", Blue then explained before slowly getting to her feet. She still had the knife in her hand and Andrew wondered if he'd need his. He didn't ask though. They waited in silence, all eyes on Ronan. 5 minutes passed, 10, 15. Andrew didn't want to miss it. 

Then it happened. It's not like the creature just appeared out of thin air. It didn't appear at all. One moment Andrew was staring at Ronan's motionless body, the next there was someone, no, something on top of him. And the strangest thing was that Andrew's brain tried to tell him that the creature was there all along, that it had always been a part of the world, even though he knew that it wasn't right. 

The creature itself was horrifying. It had a humanoid shape but it was completely white and covered in the same black ooze that had spilled out of Ronan earlier. It had wings with ripped out white feathers but they were broken and limp. It's hands had long claws instead of fingers but it's face was somewhat normal. The face of some teen-boy, pulled into a scream, showing off several rows of canines. It was leering over Ronan's motionless body and Andrew could see that his eyes were open but he seemed paralysed. 

Blue was the first one to move, without a second thought she threw herself at the creature, tackling it away from Ronan. She started to stab at it but it soon overpowered her and pressed her to the ground. Andrew saw it slam her head against the floor and dig it's claws into her neck until red spilled from her skin. 

Next thing he remembered was that he had jumped on it's back and sliced the creatures throat with one of his knives. Black blood spilled out like a fountain, covering Blue in it but the creature went limp and collapsed underneath Andrew. Andrew stood and looked down at the dead nightmare at his feet. Dead now, but alive a few seconds prior. Alive and a creation of Ronan Lynch. This was all to much. 

Ronan regained mobility of his body and rushed over to Blue's side. Andrew took a few steps back and brushed against Neil. They shared a look that expresses their mutual shock before looking back at Ronan and Blue. 

"Fuck! Fuck! Sargent! Talk to me!", Ronan snapped, cradling her head and pressing a hand to Blue's bleeding neck. 

"It's okay, I'm okay-", Blue whispered before slowly sitting up. "They're shallow. I'm fine."

Ronan helped her to her feet before looking at her neck where the creature had left three perfectly parallel cuts just from underneath her ear all the way down to her collarbone. 

"Fuck- I'm so sorry- I couldn't-", Ronan stammered before his eyes landed on Adam who was laying a few feet away. All words seemed to die in his throat except for a single terrified:"Adam-?"

"He's asleep.", Blue quickly explained. "He's okay, I promise."

Ronan relaxed ever so slightly. Then his eyes landed on the body of the creature. "Shit.", he mumbled but he didn't sound surprised by it, just annoyed. 

"Yeah. We need to get rid of the body.", Blue mumbled, looking at it as well. They both seemed to have forgotten about Neil and Andrew. 

"We should bury it at the barnes, or burn it there. That way nobody would find it.", Ronan suggested, his tone calm now. 

"It has Kanvinsky's face.", Blue noted.

"We should burn it.", Ronan said, seemingly ignoring Blue's words. Then his eyes finally found Neil and Andrew and he froze. "Blue? How much did they see?", he asked, not letting them out of his sight. 

"Everything.", Blue sighed. "I told them what you are."

"What?!", Ronan snapped, looking at Blue. She only gave him a shrug. 

"What was I supposed to do?! Nightwash isn't exactly a usual medical condition and they were refusing to leave. Better I tell them what to prepare for before they see it without any explanation.", she explained.

"We can help you." That was Neil's voice and Andrew's eyes shot towards him. "You need to move the body and you don't have your cars. We can drive you.", he suggested. 

Ronan glared at Neil then his attention moved to Andrew. Andrew schooled his expression back to neutrality, enough freaking out for one night. "Come on, Lynch. Don't you trust me anymore?", he asked in a mocking tone but he was also trying to check if Ronan could still remember their conversation from earlier. 

Ronan's expression turned sour. Apparently he did. Then he let out a groan. "Okay, whatever, Declan is going to kill me but we need to get this fuck out of here.", he finally gave in. 

This wasn't going according to plan at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so some might note that Andrew is a bit out of character in this chapter but the reason for that are actually his powers.
> 
> You see, at his weakest Andrew is basically a magical Empath. He feels the emotions of the people around him much stronger than normal people do. But he had never really figured out how to unlock this power (especially with the drugs that dulled even his own feelings for years). He only noticed these powers now because of Blue's presence and because she amplifies magic around her.
> 
> He's so emotional in this chapter because everyone else's feelings are bleeding over into his and he doesn't know how to guard himself.   
> Those aren't his only powers but they are the first step to unlocking the rest of them.
> 
> Also, thank you soooo much for your comments! I'm living for them right now!


	6. They say newcomers have a certain smell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter and Opal finally makes an appearance! I hope you enjoy! Also, reading your comments is absolutely amazing so keep them coming.

Andrew drove like the devil but inside the car it was silent. Andrew had send Kevin, Nicky and Aaron home without explaining to them what had happened. The Raven-trio had sworn him and Neil to secrecy. So he only told them that Ronan was fine now and that they had things to take care of.

The drive to Henrietta was long and soon things got quiet. Neil, who grew up on the run, could fall asleep almost anywhere and Blue was too exhausted to stay awake much longer. After the first hour on the road Andrew looked back in the rear view mirror and was only met by Ronan's eyes.   
The other male just stared silently. Then, after a while, he opened his mouth again. "Does this answer your questions?", Ronan asked and Andrew raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what Ronan ment. 

"You wanted to know what was wrong with me and my friends. Does this clear things up for you?", he clarified. 

"Somewhat.", Andrew replied honestly. He still had questions but ' _magic is real_ ' was a revelation that he could chew on for a while. He'd have to rearrange his entire worldview and after that he could figure out what was still unclear.

"Were you always like this? Is that why you didn't sleep at Juvie? So that you wouldn't dream uncontrollably?", he then asked. It was the one thing he'd already been wondering about. Ronan glanced out the window into the night and then his eyes rested on Adam, his head was laying on Ronan's shoulder. All his sharpness faded when he looked at Adam, like he was afraid to hurt him with it.

"Back then I had no idea that there was even the possibility of controlling it. I only figured that one out this year.", he then replied. 

What a hellish power to have. Andrew could imagine how it felt to be haunted by nightmares. His nightmares were real, too, in a way. They were things that had happened one way or another in the past. But he couldn't imagine waking up to these dreams being real again. He tried to imagine how he'd feel if he ever woke up with Drake on top of him again and it made him sick. 

When he tried to imagine the things Ronan dreamed, his brain just stopped cooperating. What a fucked up life, to fear sleep because sleep could make literal monsters real but needing it anyways.

"So you just never slept? How did you even do that?", he asked. He had a handle on his emotions again. He kept his tone bored, blank, no need to show sympathy just because Ronan was slightly more fucked than expected.

"My brother smuggled drugs into the facility that kept me awake and he paid off the guards to make sure that I took them. I couldn't be trusted with myself back then.", Ronan shrugged. Andrew was so used to Neil's instinct to lie that this simple honesty surprised him. He thought back to Juvie, to Ronan then, 15 years old and already plagued by this.

The more he thought about it the more he remembered. How guards would take Ronan aside every night before they were send to bed. How he had seen Ronan call someone once and how Ronan had pleaded to "Please make it stop, I can't do this anymore. I'm going insane." How he once caught Ronan in the bathroom with fingers in his throat. 

_Fuck._

_I couldn't be trusted with myself back then_. That didn't make it fucking okay.

"What about now?", Andrew asked, because it was his turn to speak. Ronan thought about it, again his attention moved to his friends, both resting against him as they slept.

"Depends who you ask.", he then shrugged. They fell back into silence for a while.

Andrew tried to imagine how things went on for Ronan after Juvie. Not just on paper, he had read the file, he knew what happened next and it made a twisted amount of sense to Andrew. But he wanted to understand the sequence of events. He wanted to understand how Ronan was here, seemingly okay, all things considered.

Ronan Lynch was cursed to be a dreamer but he wasn't all that suspicious according to his records when he was younger. Then, at 14 he found his father dead. Probably a good reason for nightmares. His powers turned vicious at the same time as his life went pretty much to shit. There were several drug possession charges in his file before he got send to Juvie. There his brother forced him through a month of drug-induced sleep deprivation. Then there's a gap. No arrests, no hospital record, nothing too noteworthy in his school files except that he barely attends classes. A year later Ronan Lynch tries to kill himself.

Andrew saw the scars. They reminded him too much of his own so he didn't linger on the thought. That's when the record ended.

And here they were, two years later, Ronan was fine. Or better at least. He had his powers (sort of) under control, he didn't seem hell bend on dying, though back at the club he'd rather have died than taking the drugs Blue forced down his throat. Andrew didn't count that though. He chalked that up to past traumatic experiences making Ronan not think straight. 

What had changed? Andrew was missing data but a feeling (not this again) told him it had something to do with Ronan's friends.

His eyes landed on the other two thirds of the Raven trio. Both sleeping soundly.   
"What about them?", he asked and Ronan glanced away from the window again.

"What do you mean?", he asked.

"You don't expect me to believe that someone who's completely normal would put up with this shit.", Andrew replied, gesturing back at Ronan and his friends. Ronan looked at him through the mirror, his expression as blank as Andrew's. Then he laid his head back. 

"I'm not spilling their secrets. Those are not my truths to tell.", he replied, closing his eyes.

"How honourable.", Andrew remarked sarcastically. Apparently honesty hour had passed. Andrew would find answers to his questions eventually, he'd just have to do it the hard way.

"Fuck off.", Ronan remarked, not pulling a face or even opening his eyes. His heart wasn't in it. But then he seemed to remember something and opened just one of his eyes, regarding Andrew through the mirror.

"But also... thank you. I saw that you helped Blue when I couldn't. I appreciate it. ", he said and Andrew hadn't expected that at all. Gratitude wasn't something he normally concerned himself with. A waste of time really.

"Fuck off.", he returned but Ronan only shrugged again and closed his eyes once more. Andrew just continued to drive. 

~

It was already morning when they arrived in Henrietta and by then the rest of the car had woken up again. Adam had been the last one to wake up, the drugs finally having worn off. 

"Wake up asshole! You're alive!", Ronan yelled at Adam when he saw that the other boy was slowly opening his eyes. Adam let out a low groan and pushed Ronan's face away from him at which Ronan only chuckled. 

"Fuck off, Lynch.", Adam mumbled before stretching and taking in his surroundings. His head hurt like hell, a continues pounding behind his temples and he couldn't remember a thing from last night.

"What happened last night?", he asked. Rubbing his aching head. Only once his vision cleared a little he saw the drastic aftereffects of the previous night. Ronan seemed cheery but he could see traces of nightshade still smeared on his face. Blue was worse though. She was completely covered in the black ooze, it clung to her skin. The only clean patch was a large white bandaid someone had stuck to her neck. What the fuck happened?!

"Basically, Ronan didn't dream in weeks and didn't tell us, last night the nightshade started and when he went to sleep in a club bathroom he brought back a nightmare that tried to slice me like a pizza.", Blue explained bluntly, glaring at Ronan. "Also, our lovely new teammates drugged you and Ronan.", she added, directing her stare towards Andrew and Neil who sat in the front seat. 

Adam didn't know what to react to first. It was simply too much information this early in the morning. The first thing he actually managed to say was:"They know?"

"Well, you were passed out and Ronan was dying and bleeding black all over the place, the fuck was I supposed to do?", Adam could hear from the edge in her voice that she herself wasn't sure if she had done the right thing. That was precisely the reason why she was so defensive right now.

"Okay...Okay...", Adam mumbled trying to collect his thoughts. He didn't know who to be mad at first, Ronan, for lying to them and risking his life or the other two boys for drugging them? What the fuck?   
Eventually he decided that he'd talk to Ronan privately. "Why the fuck did you drug us?!", he questioned instead. 

"Nothing personal, we just don't deal with outsiders very well and all your secret circle shit was freaking us out.", Neil replied with a simple shrug. 

"You're so fucked up.", Blue snapped.

"And your friend pulled Freddy Krueger out of his dreams. Get off your high horse.", Andrew replied calmly. 

Adam didn't trust the two, he didn't really trust any of the Foxes but maybe that was just part of what it was to be Adam. 

But Neil and Andrew specifically he didn't trust. He had pretty obvious reasons, too. It only took one Google search to find a bunch of reasons to stay away from them. Neil was the son of a fucking mobster for God's sake and Andrew almost killed 4 guys once. Adam didn't have any illusions about his own faults. He had basically killed Whelk, he had spawned the idea of blackmailing Greenmantle and got Ronan to dream up proof for a perverse string of murders. He didn't think that he was something better. But he also wanted to put all this bullshit behind him and getting associated with the two spelled trouble. 

Well, now he could forget about that one. At least there was an attempt. 

Adam glanced out the window and realized how familiar the scenery was. "Wait. What are we doing in Henrietta?"

"We need to get rid of the body. We'll burn it at the Barnes.", Blue replied with a shrug. 

"A bonfire? How festive.", Adam smirked and Blue and Ronan both shot him an amused glance. 

Ronan gave Andrew directions but right before they drove up to the Barnes He stopped. "I should probably tell you about the security system."

_Ah fuck._

"What about it?", Andrew asked.

"It's a dream thing. I made it so that no one would even try to get close to my home. When you pass through it it makes you relive your worst memories.", he explained simply, as if it even came close to how it actually felt to pass through that thing.

"We can handle it.", Andrew only said before kicking down the gas. 

They probably didn't even need a minute to pass through it but it felt like hours. When they were finally through that damn thing and Adam was released from his own personal nightmare he took a shuddering breath, his whole body shaking. He looked to his right and found Blue with tears running down her face and Ronan emptily staring ahead.

"Now that's fucked.", Andrew stated and his tone didn't sound quite as calm as it usually did. Neil was shaking quietly, not saying a word. Andrew seemed to notice as well and reached over to grab a hold of Neil's neck. "Breathe, Neil.", he ordered quietly and Neil actually complied. _Interesting_.

"Why the fuck would you make something like this?", Neil asked once he had calmed down a fraction. 

"I'm creative and I don't want people near my stuff at all costs. It's as easy as that.", Ronan shrugged. Some of the emptiness had finally left his eyes. Andrew parked the car right in front of the house and they got out. 

"Shit. This place is even bigger than I expected.", Neil remarked, looking up at Ronan's home and the surrounding lands.   
"What the fuck did your parents do for a living?"

"My dad dreamt for a living. He dreamt most of this.", Ronan replied, gesturing at their surroundings. 

"And he didn't teach you how to control this shit?", Andrew asked.

"His dream-business killed him before he could.", Ronan said before glancing at Blue. 

"Great.", Andrew said, his voice toneless, before opening the trunk of his car. "So who wants to volunteer to carry this thing?"

Adam glanced into the car to see the body of the nightmare. It shared a lot of characteristics with the nightmare that lived in one off Ronan's barnes but this one had a human face. Adam was surprised to see that it was Kavinsky's.

Adam didn't know much about the time Ronan and Kavinsky spend together. He only knew that Kavinsky was the only one that knew what it was to be a dreamer and that Ronan and him had been...something. Ronan refused to talk about him and he hadn't spoken to Kavinsky since the night that Kavinsky kidnapped Matthew.

"Wait, I've been working on something that'll make this easier. I'll get it. Blue, find Opal and tell her to help you prepare a bonfire.", Ronan ordered before taking off towards the barnes. Adam quickly followed him, deciding that now was the time to discuss why the fuck Ronan lied to him.

"I can get it myself.", Ronan stated and Adam thought that Ronan could probably tell why Adam had really followed him.

"I don't doubt that. I just want to ask you what the hell you were thinking when you lied to us?", he asked him, letting his frustration loose. 

"I didn't lie.", Ronan simply shrugged. 

"You said that you were dreaming-", Adam started to argue but Ronan cut him off. 

"I said that I had it under control and I did...or at least I thought so.", he clarified and Adam was fucking fuming. Ronan always said that he didn't lie, it was true in a way, he didn't lie, he only dealt in half-truths. 

"But you didn't! You could've died!", Adam snapped and Ronan finally stopped storming away from him, facing Adam instead. His expression was sinister but that was nothing unusual.

"What do you want me to say?", he asked blankly.

"I don't want you to say anything. I want you to start looking out for yourself! If you can't do it for your own sake do it for Matthew and Opal...do it for me.", Adam was pleading. He didn't plead usually, it made him sick, but imagining losing Ronan was worse. 

The expression on Ronan's face softened, just a fraction but enough for Adam to notice. "I'm sorry.", he whispered and suddenly he seemed unable to look at Adam, his eyes darting around frantically.

"You don't need to apologize to me. But you need to stop acting like you have a death wish. I'm worried for you.",Adam replied gently, taking a step towards Ronan. 

Ronan didn't reply for a while, he didn't look at Adam either. Finally their eyes met again. "I'll do better. I promise. You don't need to worry.", he said and it sounded genuine, Adam hoped that it was. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Ronan's lips before slipping his hand into Ronan's, intertwining their fingers. 

"Okay. That's all I can ask for.", he mumbled once he separated from Ronan. Then he smiled and took a step back but still held onto Ronan's hand. "Now let's burn this bitch."

~

Andrew and Neil followed Blue to the main building because Adam left with Ronan. She unlocked the door with her own key and welcomed them inside. 

"Welcome to Ronan's dream house if you see anything weird it's probably a dream thing.", she stated before letting the door fall shut between them. 

She was still covered in the black blood of the nightmare and Neil could see that some of her own had seeped through the bandaid that Ronan had put on her neck, staining it red, but she seemed completely unbother by the entire situation. Or...not unbother but accustomed to it. 

"Opal!", she yelled.

"Who's Opal?", Neil asked. As far as he knew Ronan only had two brothers and nobody really knew what happened to his mother. Maybe she was killed by dream things, too. 

"Ronan's kid.", Blue replied and Neil's eyebrows shot up. 

"Ronan has a child?", he asked, baffled. That made absolutely no sense. Blue gave him a cheeky smirk, apparently it was one of those things that weren't as simple as they seemed. 

"Yes but don't tell him that I called her that.", she said with a grin before calling out Opal's name once more. 

Before long Neil heard fast paced steps coming down the stairs and suddenly a little girl jumped into view. Neil had trouble determining her age but her timeless look wasn't even the most striking detail about her. She had short blond hair, was dressed in a way too big sweater and had no legs. Or she did but they were covered in fur and had hooves instead of feet. _The fuck?_

The girl was speaking in a language that Neil had never heard before, it didn't even sound human and it wouldn't have surprised him if the language wasn't of this world. Surely enough Blue quickly interrupted Opal. "We don't understand your dreamspeak, please use English."

"Where is _Kerah_?", the girl asked in English. 

"At the barnes, he'll meet us in a minute. But I need your help first.",Blue explained and Neil figured that 'Kerah' was Ronan. "We need to prepare a bonfire to burn a body."

Neil didn't understand a lot about childcare, god knows his own childhood had been a raging dumpster fire so he didn't really have a point of reference. He also didn't know if Opal was an actual child. But telling her about the body still seemed... kinda weird to him. 

Opal didn't seem to mind though, she just narrowed her eyes at Blue and crossed her arms before asking:"What do I get out of it?"

"You get to eat trash!", Blue replied in an over-enthusiastic tone. Opals eyes grew wide with excitement.

"But _Kerah_ said no trash!", she pointed out. 

"He'll make an exception if you help us.", Blue replied with a gentle smile. A wide grin grew on the girls face before her eyes shot towards Neil and Andrew for a moment. 

"You brought strangers.", Opal stated as if she had only now noticed them. 

Blue looked back at them as well. "They are...", for a moment thought that Blue would call them friends but she was still holding a grudge because of the drugs. Instead she said:"...allies. You can trust them."

"This one smells weird.", Opal said, pointing at Andrew. 

"That's rude, Opal.", Blue remarked but the girl didn't care.

"He doesn't smell human, and he doesn't smell like a dream. He sort of smells like Adam but different.", she went on and Neil's eyebrows shot up. He glanced over at Andrew but Andrew just maintained his usual blank expression.

"That's enough, Opal. Let's get to work.",Blue interrupted and this time Opal listened and turned away from the boys.

Neil and Andrew followed Blue and Opal outside. "What was that about?", Neil asked quietly.

"The fuck do I know? This is all pretty nonsensical.", Andrew only shrugged and the topic was finished with that.

Opal showed them where to get the wood and between the four of them they quickly prepared a stake out on some field.

Neil was still baffled by this place. Not necessarily because of how big it was. Wealth didn't impress him. It was the magic that took his breath away. In a place like this it felt so tangible and integral that Neil forgot what it was like outside. He wondered how he never noticed magic before. At the Barnes you couldn't help but to notice.

They were joined by animals that came wandering out of the forest. Pearl white deer that had berries growing from their antlers, six legged wolves, birds in colours he had never seen before and bunnies way bigger than they were supposed to be. They were all peaceful, especially with Blue and Opal, they seemed to seek them out. Blue petted the wolves like they were puppies and the deer let her eat some of their antler berries. Like she was one of them. For a moment Neil wondered if Blue was a dream as well. His mind told him no, it couldn't be possible to dream a whole entire person that was so incredibly real. But Blue fit in perfectly with Ronan's herd of strange lovely creatures. 

By the time they finished the stake Ronan and Adam joined them with the body. Ronan had wrapped it in a floating blanket that he held onto by a rope. Like he had a corpse balloon. 

Ronan put the body onto the stake face down and spilled gasoline on it. Neil wondered not for the first time who this Kavinsky was and why Ronan's nightmares wore his face. 

"Did anybody prepare a eulogy?", Ronan asked a sarcastic edge to his tone. Adam stood to his right and Blue joined him on his left side. Andrew and Neil had stepped back a little

"Fuck off and go to hell.", Blue stated, her tone sharp and cold.

"Amen.", Adam added before Ronan lit up a match and tossed it onto the body. It went up in flames immediately but neither of the three stepped back. They all just watched silently, the flames illuminating their silhouettes. Adam had taken Ronan's hand and Blue did the same, like they were giving him support and even though Neil didn't know why, he felt like Ronan needed it.

  



	7. They don't know fucking anything

Neil thought that things would change after that night. Surprisingly they didn't. Things kind of just... went back to normal. 

They drove back to Palmetto and they didn't speak of it. The Raven Trio continued to go to school and practice like nothing had happened and Neil was honestly amazed at how normal they could behave after all that shit. Maybe they were just used to it. 

After the first few days it just became one of these things, those dark pieces of past that each of the foces carried around. The things they each knew about one another but that lost their meaning after a while.

Neil's focus returned to school and Exy. The following Friday they had their first game. The Breckenridge Jackals. It had been the first team Neil had played against last year. They had lost back then. But they weren't the same team as they were back then. The foxes as they were now, a proper team, beat the Jackals easily. 

Still, he could see the Raven kids struggle. It was their first college league game, Neil could vividly remember how much he had sucked last year. Ronan and Adam were ahead of him back then. Blue, not so much.

She stood her ground, but only barely. Their defenceline with Nicky, Allison and Aaron was never the strongest but they could usually balance it out with Andrew in the goal. 

Blue was good, and she played like it was life or death, Neil liked that about her. But when it came to experience she was the weakest link. 

She seemed to know that as well because the following evening she showed up in front of his dorm room. "I need your help. I need extra training or I'll pull down the entire team.", she stated and Neil's eyebrows shot up. 

"Why ask me? I don't play defence?",Neil asked her honestly. He used to play defence in little league, but ever since he became Neil he mostly played striker. 

"I saw you play defence in a game last year. You're better than Nicky and Aaron. I also hate being around them. And I feel like Allison doesn't like me very much."

So Neil did for Blue what Kevin did for Neil the previous year. Every evening he took her to the court and put in extra practice with her. Blue never complained, always did what she was told, always pushed herself until her body gave out under her and then a bit further past that point.

They didn't talk much during their night practices. Neil was pretty sure that Blue didn't like him, she was tolerating him. But they weren't friendly, not since Columbia.

On their third night his curiosity got the best of him and he dared to ask. "Why do you hate Nicky and Aaron but you put up with me?"

Blue didn't stop doing her drills and for a solid 5 minutes Neil thought that she was ignoring him. Then she replied, not stopping her training, her voice breathless:" You all tried to drug us. You were all fine with it. Nicky tried to keep me away from Adam and Ronan while Ronan was literally dying. You must see why I'm not too fond of you."

"I get that, trust me, I do.", Neil smirked. "I fucking hated them after they took me to Columbia. What I don't understand is why I'm different."

Blue stopped and looked at Neil. She was strange, that much was clear from the moment Neil first saw her. But she was stranger at night. It sounded ridiculous but she was different when Neil was alone with her. Maybe because her friends weren't around, maybe because she hated Neil as much as she did the other monsters. 

Blue was darker at night. Blue was the fucking sun. All bright coloured clothes and even brighter eyes, sharp tongue and witty remarks, she radiated was a bonfire.

Not at night. At night she was quiet, subdued, cold. Everything about her felt faded and for some reason naked. Neil felt like he was looking at something that he wasn't supposed to see. 

"We're not friends.", she stated, her voice as sharp as the knife Neil noticed she always carried around. 

"I never said we were. But you willingly spend several hours every night with me by yourself. I'm just wondering why.", he shrugged. 

"Don't be stupid.", she spat, turning away from him and restarting her drills. Neil thought that that was the end of it but Blue actually elaborated on it. "You know about our whole bullshit. I told you. I have to trust you or I'll go crazy with paranoia. Or I at least have to try."

"So it's your bullshit, too?", Neil asked after a while. He got her talking, maybe there was more to know about the Raven trio. Neil definitely had more questions.

"Huh?", Blue asked. Apparently she had assumed that the topic was done. 

"You said 'our bullshit' but so far we only know about Ronan. So what's your bullshit?", Neil explained and Blue stopped moving once more, giving Neil a deadpan look.

"I'm not giving you another knife to stab me in the back with.", she stated, her tone cold and steely.

"You're the only one with a knife here. I'm just trying to protect my people. I can't do that when I don't know what to protect them of.", Neil shrugged. He knew that he was being a hypocrite. He spend most of his life as one giant lie. But that also nearly got him killed. Experience was a cruel teacher but it had taught Neil well.

"You don't have to worry.", Blue snapped at him, unyielding but Neil stayed relentless.

"Are you sure? Ronan's nightmare looked pretty worrisome. I wouldn't want him to being something like that into his dorm where my friends sleep.", he pointed out and now Blue was beyond annoyed with him. 

"Back off, our business doesn't concern you.", she snarled before pushing past him. Neil realized that she was trying to leave and quickly reached out, holding onto her wrist to stop her.

"So there is business?", he asked before she could protest. Blue yanked her arm free, properly pissed off now.

"Not anymore. Columbia was a slip up. We're normal people now.", she stated but even Blue herself didn't sound convinced.

"But you didn't used to be.", Neil concluded.

"You're insufferable.", Blue spat. Neil didn't care. Everybody knew that he liked to run his mouth off. He did the same on national television, he didn't care if he disgruntled some girl.

"I'm also right.", he shrugged.

Blue let out a sound of exasperation, throwing her hands in the air.  
"So what!? We all had things happen, you obviously know that.", she stated, pointing at Neil face that was covered in scars. Yeah, his business had been made pretty public unfortunately. He still had random college students whisper the word 'butcher' when he walked past them. Andrew once broke a guys nose for it, Neil still sometimes couldn't look in the mirror.

"Then you know that whatever crazy shit happened, we can handle it.", he stated, completely serious now. 

The anger on Blue's face dispersed, leaving a blank canvas. Neil had no idea what she was thinking and in a way it was even more foreign than her fury. She stepped towards him, closing the distance between them until they were only inches apart, her sharp eyes glared up at Neil viciously. 

  
"It's not about whether you can handle it. I don't trust you. You're right, I put up with you, because I need to keep an eye on you. Because I told you the truth and if that blows up in our faces it's my fault. But don't think for a second that I don't hate your guts.", she spoke calmly, her tone ice cold. "And if you ever touch my boys again. I'll make sure that you won't see the light of day again. "

Neil was convinced that he could tell when someone had killed a person before. Maybe it was because he grew up amidst murderers and killers, maybe it was recognition, seeing himself in someone that also had blood on their hands. He couldn't pinpoint what it was but he could usually tell when someone had taken someone elses life. He recognized it in Andrew, in Aaron and Renee. He even thought that he saw some of it in Adam, though he didn't know him well enough yet.

He didn't see it in Blue. Neil was pretty sure that Blue had never killed anyone. But funnily enough, he believed every word she said. Neil was a liar through and through, or he used to be. He could tell when someone was bullshitting, could smell a lie from a mile away. Blue was deadly serious. He smirked.

"You don't believe me.", Blue concluded, not surprised or offended, her face was still blank.

"I actually do. ", Neil admitted with a slight grin. "Which makes no sense to me, you're very strange. ", he added, because it was the truth. Blue Sargent made absolutely no sense to him. 

Eccentric, bright girl by day, cold and subdued woman by night. Innocent and deadly at once. Her file told the story of a slightly unconventional but still normal childhood. The scar on her face and the knife in her pocket told a different one.

"Fuck off.", Blue spat, before pushing past him once more. This time Neil didn't stop her.

~

The Raven trio turned out to be a Raven quintet and Andrew realized that when the other two Raven Boys turned up at Fox tower.

He and Neil stepped into the living room of their dorm and for a second Andrew was taken aback. 

Adam was sitting on a beanbag, going over his school work. On the couch sat Blue with a guy at each of her sides. Andrew had heard of Blue's boyfriends before, he hadn't paid them much thought so he wasn't sure what he had expected. Definitely not this. 

Blue was so visually eccentric and alternative that Andrew had just assumed that her boyfriends would be the same. The opposite was the case. They looked like fucking ken dolls. Both were tall and fit. One white the other asian. Both with perfectly styled hair and immaculate clothes. Both smelling like money and good morals. And both completely enthralled with Blue.

"I was so pissed that we couldn't watch your first game live but it was amazing", one of them said, his hand running through Blue's hair, picking out her countless hair clips.

"I was fucking shit in it.",Blue stated but even though she seemed to go for snappy, her voice was softer than usual. She was Sunshine-Blue right now. That's what Neil called her when she was happy and warm and bright. Neil had told Andrew about how drastically she could change, how confusing it was, Andrew didn't tell him that he had noticed it as well.

The other boy, the one in the red polo with the boat shoes, pulled a face. "Jane, that's ridiculous, you- ", he started to argue before noticing Neil and Andrew in the door. His expression shifted into a polite smile immediately, before getting up from the couch and approaching them with an outstretched hand . "Oh, hey. You must be Adam's room mates. The name is Gansey.", his tone was charming, his smile perfect, Andrew didn't trust him one bit.

"And I'm Henry.", the other one announced from the couch, not bothering to get up.

Neil actually shook Gansey's hand _(What kind of a name was Gansey anyways?)_ introducing himself but when Gansey's attention shifted to him, Andrew didn't make any move to do the same.

"Don't bother.", Blue stated so Gansey pulled his hand back, burying them in the pockets of his slacks. Not a trace of offence or embarrassment on his face.

Are those the infamous boyfriends? I started to think they were fake.", Andrew stated, making his way over to the kitchen to grab a tub of ice cream from the freezer. Cookie dough flavour. Gansey returned to Blue's side and Neil plopped down on the other beanbag. 

"Yes, they are.", Blue said and she sounded fucking serene. It was bizarre. 

"Did Ronan dream them for you?", Andrew asked casually, before stuffing his mouth with a spoon of ice cream. Both Henry's and Gansey's heads snapped towards him at once.

"Wait, what-?", Henry asked, his expression shocked. Gansey didn't let his surprise show. Andrew was pretty good at telling when people were concealing their emotions, he himself was a master at it.

"They're the one's that know.", Adam stated from where he sat, barely bothered enough to look up from his work.

There it was again, that spotless pleasant smile on Gansey's face. Andrew didn't like it. "Ahh, well I'm terribly sorry that you had to witness Ronan's whole debacle. I also heard that one of you saved our lovely Jane.", he stated, looking from Andrew to Neil. Andrew was sort of confused by the name but he didn't pay it much attention.

"Small and angry.", Blue replied and Andrew rolled with his eyes, letting more ice melt on his tongue.

"They're both kinda small and angry looking.", Henry stated but there was no sharpness to his tone. He didn't mean to offend, he was just saying what was on his mind. Andrew was reminded of Nicky for a moment. 

"And so are you, Jane. You know the whole thing with the glasshouse and the stone?", Gansey added, his tone teasing. 

"Shut it, Dick.", Blue snapped but there was a grin on her lips when she lightly smacked Gansey's shoulder.

"Never.", Gansey returned before glancing between Neil and Andrew again. It was a question.

"It was Andrew. ", Neil finally stated and Gansey turned in his seat to face Andrew. 

"In all honesty, thank you. I don't know what I would do if something happened to her." The sincerity of his tone, the lack of perfect smile, it put Andrew off balance. Everything here did that, for some reason. He had assigned that to Blue, he was only this weird when she was around, that's why he avoided her since Columbia. But now she was sitting in his room and it was all flooding him. Her happiness, Gansey and Henry's worry and gratitude. It was all a bit much.

"Piss off, why are you here anyways.", Andrew stated, his tone blank as always before eating another spoon of the ice cream. 

"We're waiting for Ronan so that Gansey can do his whole disappointed dad spiel.", Henry replied this time, a cheeky smile on his face. 

Gansey wasn't so amused, he let out a groan, rolling with his eyes. "He's going to be the death of me.", he sighed, exactly like an exasperated parent would.

"Of all of us. ", Blue stated with a smirk, threading her fingers through his hair, messing it up a bit in the process.

As if on cue the door to the room was kicked open the way it always was when Ronan made an appearance. "Parrish, wanna go eat some- Gansey?", Ronan asked once he saw his friends, dumbfounded.

"Hello Ronan, congratulations on the game. How's life, how's college, why the fuck are you trying to kill yourself?", Gansey's smile was bright, his tone cheery, but there was an edge to it. He got up, striding towards Ronan. 

Ronan only rolled with his eyes before kocking his head to one side, shooting Blue a judgemental glare "You snitched on me?", he asked, his voice sharp. 

Blue didn't seem impressed, only holding her hands up in defence before saying:"Hey! I didn't tell him, Mr Grey did."

"And how did Mr Grey find out?!", Ronan asked, sounding ever more annoyed at the mention of that name.

"Mom told him and she knew because she saw some whacky shit and called me to ask if I was still alive.", Blue shrugged at which Ronan let out a pissed off grunt.

I'd rather not talk about this now.", Ronan than stated, looking at Gansey again, his voice clipped.

Gansey didn't waver under his glare, he stared right back, obviously also pissed off.  
"Too bad, Ronan! We had a deal in case you forgot and we'll be having words now. ", he snapped, or he didn't really snap but there was no trace of his polite demeanour left so it sounded pretty agitated. 

Another frustrated groan, a glance at Adam, Ronan was looking for a way out of this. "Don't look at me, you put yourself here.", Adam returned simply, leaving Ronan to fend for himself. 

"Fine! Whatever! Let's get this over with!",Ronan finally agreed before walking over to Adam's room, Gansey followed and Ronan slammed the door shut after they entered. 

Andrew tried to evaluate if the situation between the two would escalate. Gansey came of like a posh little wimp, but he was also fake as fuck and pissed off, too. Ronan was always ready to explode.  
Andrew didn't know their relationship or either of them well enough to make a good guess as to how things would go. But Ronan hadn't been afraid of Gansey, he had seen Ronan afraid before, it didn't look like this, it didn't feel like this. They were both annoyed, pissed but also worried, at least that's what bled over into Andrew's mind. He felt like he was going crazy.

Blue, Adam and Henry started a conversation about their first game that Neil eventually joined in on since he was a fucking Exy-junkie. 

Andrew tuned them out, not just their voices but also all their fucking feelings, they were exhausting, especially Gansey and Ronan. Andrew could only hear muffled voices, no clear words but they were both very loud with their feelings. Andrew found himself looking to Blue once more, the fucking megaphone in the room. He was definitely going crazy. More so than usual.

After several minutes Ronan and Gansey returned from the room, both in one piece and considerably less intense. 

"Look at you both, still alive! Can we go out to eat now?", Henry asked, his voice cheery. Ronan moved over to Adam and extended his hand before pulling the other boy up. Blue and Henry both got to their feet as well.

"Sure, let's go. I'm craving Pizza.", Blue remarked before adding:"I miss Nino's."

"It's gone to shit since you left, turns out you were the only good thing there.", Henry said, putting on an exaggerated sweet voice. 

"You sap.", Blue smirked, pushing his face away from her with a grin.

"Do you wanna join us?", Gansey asked Andrew and Neil, because he was a posh gentleman.

"They don't.", Blue snapped, because she was a rude heathen.

Andrew really didn't know how those two ended up together.

Gansey rolled with his eyes before giving them an apologetic smile. "Mind your manners, Jane.", he mumbled as he followed his friends out of the dorm room.

"Fuck off.", Blue returned, kindly. And them they were gone and Andrew and Neil were by themselves.

"Blue's giving me whiplash.", Neil stated and Andrew tended to agree with him. 

"Maybe she's bipolar, too.", Andrew mused, crossing the room to the window that looked out towards the parking lot. He put another spoon of his ice cream in his mouth, the tub was already half empty. 

"You think so?",Neil asked, stepping next to him.

"Nah. I just think she's weird.", Andrew admitted. He watched as the Raven kids spilled out of the building. They walked to the obnoxiously orange car that Andrew thought was Blue's. He wasn't sure if it was, though. There was a perfect copy of it parked right next to it. Maybe Ronan had dreamt both of them. 

He finally managed to pull his eyes away from them. He looked at Neil and Neil looked back, they were alone. 

The other foxes always said that they shouldn't waste an empty dorm and Andrew tended to agree with them on that. 

He placed a hand on Neil's neck and Neil relaxed under his touch. It was addicting, the way he could make Neil melt. 

"Yes or no?"

"Yes.", Neil breathed out, turning towards Andrew before Andrew pulled him down into a kiss. It was quiet, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm super excited for the next chapter, it's gonna be emotional, we're gonna delve into what's bithering Blud and it's gonna have more Andrew/Blue bonding because I'm obsessed with making them friends, no matter how unrealistic. 
> 
> Also, please!!! Leave!!! Comments!!! I love hearing your thoughts on this story and it honestly motivates me more than anything else.


	8. The good, the bad and the ugly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I took a looong time to write this because I lost like half the chapter and had to rewrite it and I hate doing that. But it turned out really long and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. I'm just a bitch for Blue and Andrew being tiny angry buddies, okay?
> 
> Please tell me your thoughts in the comments, nothing motivates me more!

The day Gansey and Henry came over had been a good one. Blue was relieved, she needed it to be good. Ever since she had left Henrietta there had been more of those. Days where she felt present in her body, where her mind didn't wander too much, where being human felt almost okay. The nights were... a different issue, but Blue was fine. She found ways to cope.

That's why she had been nervous for Gansey and Henry to visit. It's not like she didn't miss them. Sometimes it hit her how much their lack of presence effected her. When she woke up from an awful nightmare, when they won their first game, when Ronan made a joke that Gansey would roll his eyes at but still laugh. She'd instinctively look for their faces before realizing that they weren't there. Sure, they talked on the phone every night but that wasn't the same.

So it really wasn't like she didn't want to see them, she did. But there was a part of her, an irrational one, that was afraid.

Things weren't perfect here but they had been worse in Henrietta. A part of Blue was afraid that by Gansey and Henry being here, they'd bring back some of the bad Blue was running away from. The thought alone, that her issues could even be remotely tied to her boyfriends, filled her with shame. It clung to here brain, sticky and nasty. Blue ignored it as well as she could but it was still there. 

That's why she was so relieved when things went well, when being with her boys didn't trigger something in her that terrified her beyond her understanding. They went out for dinner with Ronan and Adam and afterwards they separated into their respective dorms. 

The girls were out that night, Blue had told them that her boyfriends were visiting which earned her a cheeky grin from Dan. "We'll clear out, don't waste an empty dorm." Blue really wished that Dan hadn't said that. 

Things were good. They were great. Blue needed them to be great. She needed to know that things still could be.

They were laying on the couch, Blue between Gansey and Henry, things were good. 

They talked about Venezuela, the boys showed her pictures, all good. 

They asked her about her game, about college, even about Ronan and his nightmare, it was all still good. 

In hindsight Blue couldn't tell where things started to turn bad, she could never pinpoint it. Maybe when Gansey and Henry started to kiss, but she was still happy then. She watched, a gentle smile on her lips, and imagined kissing them like that, even though she'd never dare to. 

Maybe things went sideways when the kissing became more, when Gansey and Henry took her between them. They didn't kiss her. They'd never do that and Blue could rely on that. She knew that they wouldn't cross that line. But everything else was fine with her. They had done everything else and Blue was okay with that. Or at least she used to be. 

Things were good, they were great. Blue was enjoying it, the hot breath on her skin, their gentle hands on her body. She pulled Gansey's shirt off and let her hands trail over his chest as Henry did the same to her. Their voices were in her ear, telling her how much they loved her, how perfect she was and Blue felt safe.

Until she didn't. 

Until Gansey's warm body turned cold underneath her hands, his eyes, previously so fucking alive, became empty and dead. She wasn't in her dorm anymore. She was on a lonely Henrietta street and it was raining. She held Gansey in her arms and he said it was okay. She kissed him and it wasn't. 

Blue could remember what she did, if she screamed or started to cry but next thing she knew she was sitting on her couch, only dressed in her underwear, her chest heaving, her heart racing. 

Gansey and Henry had backed away, their eyes wide with horror and worry. "Blue-?", Gansey asked, his voice careful, like he was afraid to spook her. She couldn't stand this, their worry and care, their gentle eyes and gentle hands. It made her sick and furious and she still couldn't stop panicking, spiralling, shaking apart, coming undone. Blue hated herself. 

She needed to get out of her. She didn't even dress, didn't even put on shoes. She just pleaded with them to leave her alone before running off. Blue didn't know where she was going, she didn't know where or when she was. 

Suddenly it was dark around her. She was outside, the night sky clear above her. Normally it calmed her to be outside but right now it was all still too much. She couldn't breath, couldn't think, couldn't even see that she wasn't alone. 

~

Andrew had been on the roof, like he often was. Neil and Kevin went out to train by themselves but Andrew didn't feel up to it tonight. He had spend the whole day around people and the time spend with Blue had drained him, he appreciated the alone time. 

He took a drag of his cigarette, the smoke burned in his lungs and made them feel all tight and claustrophobic. Suddenly he felt a wave of dread and panic, and he didn't even have the time to question it before the door to the roof was slammed open.

Of course it was Blue, who else would make him feel this way? But Andrew had never seen Blue like this before. For starters she was almost naked, only wearing underwear, a very unusual sight since Blue usually wore ungodly amounts of layers. 

The other difference was that she was panicking. It wasn't the same as back in Columbia. Back then she had been terrified but focused, she took control. There was nothing controlled about her now. Her whole body was trembling violently. She had her arms wrapped around her torso, her fingers digging into her own skin. She was hyperventilating, throwing her head from side to side, endless tears streaming down her face. 

Andrew felt it all. The terror, the agony, the shame and guilt. It was more than he had felt in months and it was so overwhelming that he found himself shaking, too. 

"Blue?", he asked, getting up from the ledge of the building and approaching her. He wasn't sure if she had noticed him at all. She didn't react to his words or his presence. "Blue, can you hear me?", reaching for her with one hand. He didn't even touch her but Blue flinched back as if he had slapped her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!", she cried out before letting out a choked up sob.

Andrew took several steps back, his hands held in the air where she could see them. "Okay, okay...I'm not touching. See? My hands are nowhere near you.", he stated, his voice calm. Andrew himself was anything but calm. Or maybe he was. Maybe the overwhelming terror was just Blue. Either way, he was feeling it and it made thinking harder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, please, please...", Blue whispered, absolutely miserable. She reached into her hair, pulling at it while more and more tears spilled over her face. 

Her words made him sick, her _pleading_...Andrew hated it. And he knew that that were his own feelings. The sight before him felt wrong. Blue didn't unravel. She forced pills down the throat of her dying friend to save his life. She tackled a literal monster without second thought. She wasn't like this. Something was very wrong and Andrew needed to know what it was so that he could fix it. He needed to fix it so that he could stop feeling this way, too.

"Blue, talk to me. What's wrong?", he demanded to know but Blue seemed too out of it to even hear him.

"It's my fault, I'm sorry...please...I didn't want this... please...", she whispered frantically, her eyes glazed over, unseeing. Andrew got the feeling that she wasn't really there anymore, that her mind had taken her somewhere else. She had that same look Neil had when he had a flashback.

"Where are you?", Andrew asked, trying to confirm his theory. 

Blue shook her head. "I don't know...", she whispered and Andrew couldn't tell if she was giving him an answer or just babbling away. 

"Answer the question Blue, where are you?", his tone was a bit sharper this time. 

Blue flinched, at least she was reacting somewhat. "I don't know...sorry.", she whined before covering her face with her hands.

"You're at college. Palmetto State University. You're on the roof of Fox tower. Everything's fine." Andrew want sure if it was helping. If she could even hear him. It's what he did when Neil got like this, Andrew would remind him of the present, remind him that he was safe, that the things that hurt him were in the past. Problem was that he didn't know what was hurting Blue, if she was truly safe from it.

But her breathing seemed to calm down a fraction every time he repeated his words until she lowered her hands and looked at him, her eyes a lot clearer but also incredibly confused. 

"Andrew?", she asked, her voice cracking and faint.

"Finally.", Andrew stated, his tone cold, not letting on how relieved he was.

"What happened?", she asked, looking around like she didn't know where she was and how she got here.

"You tell me, you came busting out her, in the middle of a full blown panic attack.", Andrew stated and Blue gave him a confused look before looking down at herself. Upon realizing what she was wearing she quickly wrapped her arms around herself, like she was trying yo hide away. It was a little too late for that.

The shame and embarrassment coming off of her in waves unfortunately reminded Andrew of Drake, of feeling exposed, of Neil throwing a blanket over him to protect him.

Andrew shrugged his hoodie off and handed it to Blue wordlessly. She stared at it for a moment, her eyes wide, she was still so fucking scared and confused. Then she took it, quickly putting it on and pulling the zipper up all the way.

It was one of the hoodies that Andrew stole from Neil, which ment it was a little big on him and even bigger on Blue. She looked small and sad. Black was a weird color on Blue. It looked wrong on her. All of this was wrong.

Andrew could see that she was thinking, processing, or trying to. Her eyes shot towards the sky and then they grew distant. Andrew didn't want her to dissociate again so he asked once more:"What happened?"

"Nothing. ", her voice was still faint but it had lost all tone. She didn't look at Andrew, Andrew could still tell that she was lying. 

"Don't give me that nothing-bullshit.", he stated, because he hated that, almost as much as people apologizing, almost as much as people saying ' _please_ '.

"Why should I tell you, it's not like we're friends.", Blue asked, her voice stronger now. She was irritated. _Great_. There weren't enough feelings in the mix already. Andrew might've agreed with her and he probably should've. He should've pissed off right away. But Blue's loud-ass feelings were a problem, one he'd rather solve sooner than later.

"Maybe because I just had to talk you down from whatever the fuck that was? You owe me an explanation.", he stated. Blue didn't answer, she turned her back on him and stepped over to the ledge of the roof, sitting down the way Andrew had sat before, legs dangling over the edge, looking out at the night sky. 

Andrew followed her and when he sat down beside her she rolled with her eyes but still didn't say anything. 

Andrew didn't bother to hide his glances over at her. She pulled her naked legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. 

"Did something happen with your boyfriends? Did they...do something you didn't want?", Andrew asked, no particular tone to his voice. 

Blue reacted with shock. She actually fucking gasped when she looked over at him."What?! No! Why would you think that?", she asked, absolutely horrified. At least she wasn't lying. 

_Because I'm a dumb idiot who's projecting his own issues onto you_. Andrew didn't say that. Instead he stated the obvious.  
"Because you're practically naked and you screamed at me to not touch you."

A puzzled expression crossed Blue's face and Andrew could tell that she didn't remember that. That her panic had blocked out everything else. She didn't offer an explanation, though. And just because Andrew believed her that her boyfriends hadn't tried anything, it didn't mean that he'd let this go. "I'm not leaving until you tell me who I owe the pleasure of this entire situation to.", he stated. 

Still, nothing. Not even an eye roll. It was time to bring out the big guns. "Or maybe I'll just go downstairs and get the answers out of your boys." It was an empty threat, Andrew didn't think that the boys had done this, whatever this was. Blue didn't know that, though. 

"You're despicable.", she spat but Andrew could tell that he had gotten her. 

"Next time I'll just let you panic until you pass out.", he shot back, only waiting for her to finally start spilling her guts. 

"I'm cursed.", she said, after a while, her tone bitter, it soured Andrew's victory over her conviction not to speak on this. 

"Literally or metaphorically?", Andrew asked because he had to, because you couldn't know with the fucking Raven-Kids and their screwed up magic.

"Literally. Or...I don't know if it's really a curse, it definitely feels like one.", Blue replied, resting her forehead on her knees. From this angle Andrew could see the scar on her neck that Ronan's nightmare left there.

"Ever since I was little every Psychic I know told me the same thing-", she continued after a while.

"Psychics are real?" Andrew couldn't help but to ask. The Raven trio had opened a door to the unknown, but they also weren't too eager to explain anything that could be found behind that door. Andrew knew of Dreamers and dream things, that was it. He was curious for more. 

"Yeah. And I know a lot of them. My mom's a psychic, all my aunt's and cousins are psychics, hell, even Adam is a psychic. Only I'm not.", Blue nodded. Andrew tucked away that bit of information about Adam for later and listened to what Blue had to say next, instead. "But that's besides the point. All of them told me the same thing. That once I kissed my true love, he'd die.", she explained. 

Andrew didn't tell her that he didn't believe in true love. And he didn't ask if she trusted these psychics. He could feel that she did. It wasn't even just trust. It was certainty.

"So now you're scared of kissing your boyfriends because they might die?", he figured because it made sense, sort off. 

Blue smirked, there was no humor in it at all."Not exactly. I already kissed Gansey once. It killed him.", she stated and Andrew thought she was lying, she had to be, but it didn't feel like one, which made no sense at all.

"What?", Andrew asked, completely dumbfounded. A rarity.

"I kissed him, he dropped dead.", Blue stated simply. Nothing about her words was simple. 

"Gansey. The Gansey I met a few hours ago? Tall, brunette, boat shoes and polo shirt?" Andrew asked, a desperate attempt to make sense of this. Like... _What the fuck._

"Yeah."

"You are making no sense.", Andrew stated.

"We'll, he obviously isn't dead anymore. It's sort of a long story. A magical sentient forest build him a new body to resurrect him.", Blue elaborated, throwing up more questions than she was answering. Andrew considered if it might've been better not to look behind that door. 

"You can't just say shit like that and expect me to believe you.", he said, even though he believed her. Because she wasn't lying, her words might not make any sense but they were true.

"I'm not lying. You can go downstairs and check. The forest unfortunately didn't have a perfect grasp on human anatomy so it made some mistakes. Gansey doesn't have a pulse, we don't even know if he has a heart, he also always smells like trees.", Blue explained as if any of that was helping Andrew to cope. He was pretty sure that this confusion was his own this time.

"This is insane.", he stated. _Obviously_.

"I'm aware.", Blue nodded. 

"So. Are you still cursed?", he then asked. He hadn't processed Gansey being a tree-zombie yet, not by a long shot, but he could still feel Blue. Even if she was calm now, the misery and fear was still there. 

"According to the psychics, no. They said the prophecy ran it's course and I'm good now.", she sighed.

"But?", Andrew asked, because there was always a catch.

"But I'm fucking terrified that they're wrong. If anything like this happens again there won't be a last minute save, and I just can't risk it with either of them.", Blue shrugged simply. 

"So you don't kiss." It wasn't a question. Blue answered anyways. 

"No. They'd never kiss me unless I asked them to. They're really good with that. We do other things that I'm fine with."

"I'm sensing another 'but'."

Blue gave him a look, he couldn't read her expression, but he could feel how tired she was, how frustrated with herself.

 _"But,_ I don't know. Rationally I know they'd never kiss me. And it didn't used to be as much of a problem, but lately... I can't do anything romantic with them without this irrational fear of one of them kissing me.

The first time it wasn't like I just randomly kissed Gansey and he died. No, we had no other choice. We were fighting a demon, Adam was possessed, Ronan was dying, he was being unmade, everything was ending and we needed to sacrifice someone to put a stop to it. 

And Gansey knew that he would die. In a way he always knew that he was living on borrowed time. So he told me to kiss him. And I did. And it saved everyone except for him."

Andrew was speechless, another rarity. Sure, he didn't talk much, but it was rarely because he didn't know what to say. Normally he just didn't feel like it. Right now he had no fucking clue how to respond.

"I just can't stop thinking about it. I touch him and I see his corpse in my arms.", Blue whispered, letting go of her legs and looking down at her hands as if she was holding him.

Andrew had a difficult time imagining Gansey dead. Sure, he didn't like him all that much, Gansey was a bit too perfect, a bit too polished, to doll-like. Andrew didn't trust him. But he had still been alive, his emotions had been loud and flashy, the way Blue's were, or at least they felt like that. Death didn't fit him.

"That's fucked.", Andrew stated, because it was. God knows, Andrew had his own truckload of issues revolving around relationships and sex. This was different though. He couldn't really relate to Blue. Blue wasn't trying to protect herself. She was afraid of hurting others.

"Yeah...Are you shaking?", Blue asked surprised, giving Andrew a worried look. 

With a shock Andrew realized that he actually was. His hands were trembling and when he couldn't stop them he just shoved them into the pockets of his jeans.

"No!", he spat, not letting his embarrassment shine through. He wasn't doing a good job with it. _Fuck_ , he was losing his grip.

"What is up with you?", Blue asked and Andrew wanted to scream at her face that it was her fault. That he wasn't like this, it was her that made him like this. 

"Nothing. We're not talking about me, we're talking about you.", he stated sharply and it's like he flipped a switch inside Blue's mind that reminded her of who she was talking to. 

"Why do you even care, you hate me.", she suddenly asked, her voice demanding. 

"I don't hate you. I don't like you but that goes for pretty much everyone. ", Andrew replied, it wasn't the answer to her question but it wasn't a lie either. He couldn't say _'Because your pain is suffocating me._ ', now could he?

"Then why do you care?"

"I don't!", he spat, losing more and more of his blanckness. Her irritation was driving him mad. It was all too much, he felt out of control. 

"Obviously you do!", Blue shot back.

"No, you're doing this!" Andrew didn't mean to say it, to admit to it. It sort of just slipped out but once it did there was no taking it back. 

"What do you mean?", Blue asked and Andrew thought ' _Fuck it, might as well hash this out right now!_ '

"I mean that you make me feel your shit. You make me feel everyone's shit. You make everything so fucking loud, especially yourself. I can't take it!",he snapped at her.

Suddenly all her confusion and irritation dispersed and Andrew felt calmer right away. Understanding dawned on her face.  
"I didn't know you were an Empath. Why didn't you tell me to tone it down if it bothered you so much?", she asked, all the sharpness gone from her voice. 

"Tone down what?", Andrew asked.

"My energy. It's sort of what I do. I amplify the magic of others, make it stronger. ", Blue replied and Andrew didn't like this. Didn't like the words _Empath_ and _magic_ tied to him.

"I don't have magic. This didn't start happening until you got here.", he stated because it was true, because he needed it to be true.

"Nah, I think you always had this in you. You just didn't notice it because empathic powers usually need to be activated. That's why most people don't realize that they have them.", Blue explained, her tone so fucking casual. Because to her it wasn't a big deal, her worldview didn't get blown to pieces.

"Bullshit.", Andrew snarled. A part of his mind was concerned with how much emotions he was showing right now, how much he was giving away. He couldn't listen to that part right now, though. 

"It's not. My cousin Torry is an Empath. I don't know her very well, she lives on the west coast but she also started out by feeling the emotions of others and now she can pick and choose what she feels, she can read people's thoughts, enter their minds, stuff like that."

Andrew didn't reply anything to that. His mind was going a hundred miles per minute, racing in circles, replaying Blue's words in context with his feelings, picking them apart and throwing them back together, over and over again. 

"You could do that if you trained your powers.", Blue said and Andrew could still feel her.

"Shut up.", he snapped, not only referring to her voice. Blue seemed to know that. 

"You could just shut me out if you knew how to.", Blue shrugged. It was all so fucking simple in her eyes and it made Andrew furious. 

"How can you be so sure?", he asked, because Blue hadn't even been a little doubtful beyond the initial surprise.

"Opal said you don't smell human.", Blue replied and Andrew thought back to the little girl in Henrietta that spoke in a language unknown to human kind.

"So?"

"She's made of magic, she recognizes it in others. ", Blue shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. To Andrew it wasn't. None of this was obvious or logical or manageable in any way, shape or form.

"Can you just tone it down?" He hated himself for asking, for giving in. A part of him even expected Blue to taunt him for it. 

Instead she just gave him another shrug before saying:"Sure." Suddenly it all stopped. The constant chaotic stream of pain, fear and confusion cut off and Andrew was left with nothing but his own mind again. There was some confusion, irritation, nothing too overpowering though. He felt clearer. He also felt cold.

  
"I- I don't feel you anymore. ", he stated.

"I know. You feeling better now?", Blue asked and Andrew felt like her question was actually genuine. He couldn't be sure though. It was actually much harder to tell if Blue was lying when she wasn't broadcasting her emotions right into his head. 

Andrew let go of some of the tension that had accumulated in his body before answering. "I should be asking you that but I know you don't. "

Blue gave him a look that he couldn't read. Then she just gave him that faint smile that Andrew didn't know how to place either. "Oh well...", she said and it sounded a lot like Neil's ' _I'm fine_.'

"What are you going to do now?", Andrew asked and he honestly didn't know why he still bothered. He had his mind back, everything was quiet, he had reached his goal.

Blue sighed and glanced at the sky again but before she could answer the door to the roof was slammed open again.

"Blue-?!", Gansey asked, his tone panicked and breathless. Andrew almost didn't recognize him, without his polo and boat shoes, his hair messed up and eyes wide with fear. Not the perfect ken-doll after all. 

Blue got up immediately and quickly ran over to Gansey who wrapped his arms tightly around her. If Andrew still had any doubts about Gansey's involvement in Blue's issues, they would've disappeared by now. 

"Hey...I'm good, sorry for running away...", Blue mumbled into Gansey's shoulder but the haunted look on his face didn't dwindle. He only clung to her more. 

"You don't need to apologize! I'm sorry if we took it too far, we don't need to do that- we can-", he was rambling and Andrew was pretty sure that if he could still feel him he'd be overwhelmed with guilt and worry right now.

Blue stopped Gansey's endless stream of words. She separated from him but only enough to look up at him and cup his face in her hand. "Gansey, listen to me.", she demanded, her voive back to the strong determination that Andrew knew from her. "I'm good." A lie, but convincing enough. 

Gansey gave a shaky nod before lifting a phone to his ear that Andrew hadn't even noticed before.  
"Henry, she's on the roof, yeah, we'll meet you in the dorm.", he said, his voice breathless, before putting away the phone and pulling Blue against his chest again. 

  
"Are you sure that you're okay?", he asked, tucking her head under his chin. 

  
"Yes.", Blue mumbled, melting into his touch and Andrew wondered how true that was. 

Gansey's eyes met Andrew's and a puzzled expression flashed over his face. But it quickly changed back into relief.  
"I feel like I owe you another thank you.", Gansey said and again, he sounded so fucking genuine that Andrew didn't know what to make of him.

"Get off my roof.", Andrew ordered, desperate to end this exchange. To his surprise they did leave, but not before Blue gave Andrew a hesitant smile that he had no idea how to interpret. 

Only once they were gone did Andrew really believe everything that Blue told him. Because as soon as he arrived and even though he had left now, Andrew could still smell Gansey, could still smell the forest. 


	9. All kidding aside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm not dead! And I didn't abandon this story, either! Sorry for falling off the face of the earth for the majority of 2020. But first I lost all my writing progress, then Corona happened and I lost all motivation to write at all and then I started to watch Criminal Minds and hyperfocused so much on that that I forgot about everything else. BUT! I'm back! This chapter is a bit of a filler, I just needed it to get back into the story.
> 
> WARNING: there are discussions about attempted suicide and self-harm

The next weekend the team won their second game, cementing themselves as a force to be reckoned with this season. They were all desperate to prove that last year hadn't been a fluke. 

Well, all but Andrew. He was just kind of there, as always. But as much as he hated to admit it, everyone's excitement when they returned to the changing rooms was still a little uplifting. He couldn't imagine how he'd feel if he could still feel everyone's emotions. That amount of joy might make him short circuit. 

Blue was keeping her word, she had turned off whatever magic megaphone she had and Andrew was just left with himself now. 

It should've been all fine. Everything was back to normal. Except it wasn't. Andrew couldn't stop thinking about the things that Blue had told him about herself and about him. He couldn't stop seeing her up on that roof, coming apart in front of his eyes. That night seemed like a fever dream, now that she was back to being sunshine-Blue. Sometimes Andrew even doubted if it had really happened and now that couldn't feel Blue anymore it got much harder to tell when she was faking her joy. 

Andrew knew that he should drop it, that he already got way to involved and if he went any further he wouldn't be able to back out. But he still couldn't shut his mind off.

"Look at that, we've got our first dirt piece on the raven kids!",Dan announced. Neil and her returned from press-duty, still sweaty, after the rest of the team had already showered and changed. 

"Ohh let me see!", Nicky shrieked before grabbing the phone out of Dan's hand. This happened every time they got new recruits. The press would dig around in their pasts to find anything that was even a little bit enticing and since their team had a certain reputation, there was a whole lot to find.

"What are you talking about?", Adam asked, pulling his eyebrows together. So far Adam was the one member of the Raven-kids that Andrew knew almost nothing about. Except that he was a psychic and that he was probably fucking Ronan just judging by the chemistry between those two.

Some might mistake him for bland, just because of how bold and brash the other counterparts of his group were but there was something really _other_ about Adam Parrish that Andrew didn't even try to get into. Not when he was already plagued with thoughts about Ronan and Blue.

"The press was gonna dig up stuff about you sooner or later. They always do that. And now it's your turn.", Allison smirked, more than a little gleeful.

"We don't have dirt. ", Blue shrugged and Andrew and Neil exchanged a knowing look. This couldn't be further from the truth.

" _Blue Sargent was described by a classmate as a 'weirdo loner' with violent tendencies that got her suspended from school_.", Nicky read out loud, directly disproving Blue. It was pretty tame all things considered, it was obvious that the reporter was reaching with that. Blue was still offended, though. 

"Who said that?! Show me!", She ordered, striding over to Nicky and looking at the phone in his hand.

"Violent tendencies? Seems about right.", Neil mumbled under his breath and Andrew couldn't help but to smirk slightly. 

"You throw a kid's schoolbag once and suddenly you have 'violent tendencies'.", Blue complained.

"Don't worry about it, they always blow this way out of proportion. ", Dan promised her.

"Anything on me?", Adam asked but he sounded like he already knew the answer to that question.

"Surprisingly, not really. ' _Adam Parrish is a peculiar choice for the Palmetto Foxes, just based on his clean record and academic success_.'", Nicky read and Adam nodded along, a satisfied smile on his lips. 

"What kind of publication is this? They seem shady as fuck.", Ronan pointed out and Nicky grinned at him before scrolling through the article, probably looking for the part that was about Ronan.

" _Ronan Lynch on the other hand couldn't be a more predictable play, with a record almost as long as Palmetto's Andrew Minyard, a trip to juvie and to-_ ", Nicky's voice suddenly broke off and his expression shifted to shock then confusion and then he gave Ronan a strange look before his eyes quickly shot to Ronan's arms. So that's what this was about.

"A trip to where?", Allison asked curiously, trying to get a peak at the phone.

"Oh- it's not- I shouldn't-", Nicky stuttered, shaking his head before putting the phone down. 

Andrew looked at Ronan to see his reaction. The other man had his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed at Nicky, staring him down mercilessly.

"No, no, go on. Don't be shy now. I want you to read it, you were having so much fun with this. ",he then ordered, his tone sharp, bordering poisonous. He smiled and he looked like a shark. By now the entire energy of the room had shifted and everyone had noticed that something was wrong. Blue and Adam exchanged a meaningful look and Adam reach towards Ronan, putting a hand on his shoulder that Ronan ignored. 

He just glared at Nicky until Nicky lifted the phone up again and resumed where he left off, his voice unsure, his expression apologetic. "- _and to a psych ward after a failed suicide attempt he fits right in with the controversial team_.", Nicky finished the sentence and the tension in the room was ridiculous. They were all overreacting in Andrew's opinion but then again, he had to remind himself that his standards for what was shocking weren't universal. 

Instead of looking to see what Ronan would do next like everyone else did, Andrew watched Blue and Adam. They looked uncomfortable, worried, but not surprised. They must've known. 

"Don't act surprised. It's not like I try to hide it.", Ronan suddenly smirked and Andrew couldn't tell if the bitterness in his voice was real or if it was just pretend. Ronan than grabbed his things and pissed off. 

"Anyways,-", Blue mumbled, picking her stuff up as well. 

" I think we're done here. ", Adam added before the two followed Ronan outside. 

The remaining Foxes looked to each other, unsure of what to do next. 

"Are you seriously surprised? He has scars all over his arms.", Andrew finally stated. Was he the only one to notice? Was that one of those 'it takes one to know one'-situations?

"I don't make it a habit to stare at guys arms.", Kevin stated, entirely unhelpful. 

"I didn't want to make any assumptions.", Renée shrugged simply and Andrew couldn't help but to roll with his eyes. He was pretty sure that Renée had made more than just assumptions, even if she wouldn't admit to it.

"What does it fucking matter anyways? I'm gonna go shower now, see you in the bus.", Neil eventually stated, effectively ending the conversation and heading towards the showers, Dan close behind him. 

~

Once they were all back in the bus the topic was off the table. They had all assumed their positions with the upperclassmen in the front, the monsters in the back and the Raven kids in between. 

Sometime during the drive the upperclassmen suggested to go out to celebrate their win together, Kevin suggested going to Colombia. 

"You're not going to drug us again, will you?", Blue asked, turning around to glare at the monsters. Andrew glared right back.

"I promise we won't. God knows that we don't want to repeat last time either. ", Neil groaned and Blue looked a little pleased at Nicky, Aaron and Kevin's slightly disturbed expressions. They still didn't know what went down that night. Just that Ronan started bleeding black all over the place and suddenly he was fine again. 

"What did you do that got even the monsters scared?", Matt asked, genuinely impressed.

"Let's just say that they took on more than they could handle.", Ronan smirked as if he hadn't been the one that almost died because of his own stubbornness.

~

In the end they all went to Columbia together, they ate at Sweeties and went to Eden's Twilight afterwards like it was tradition.

The Raven kids were pretty relaxed all things considered, probably because the upperclassmen were present and they seemed a lot more trustworthy than the monsters.

Soon most of their group had spread out around the club and Andrew wasn't surprised when he ended up at a table alone with Ronan again. It didn't go past Andrew how Ronan moved his glass out of reach. 

"Did you sleep well, Lynch. Or are you going to turn into a faucet of death again?", Andrew asked, mainly to be annoying. 

Ronan cocked his head to one side and gave Andrew a sarcastic smile. "Cute.", he snarled. "Yes, actually. I've dreamt, so you can enjoy your evening in peace.", He then added before taking a sip of his drink.

Andrew resisted the urge to ask what he had dreamt. No need to reveal that he was actually curious about this stuff. He wouldn't even admit that to himself, much less anyone else.

Andrew watched him closely. Ronan was in a surprisingly good mood considering that everyone knew about his suicide attempt now. Well, if you could count being his usual pissed off self as a good mood. Andrew caught himself staring at the jagged scars on Ronan's arms. Ronan noticed as well.

"Are you just going to stare or are you actually going to ask?", He asked eventually and Andrew tore his eyes away.

"What do you mean?", He asked, keeping his voice toneless.

"Don't play stupid, you perpetually stare at my arms, I'm not blind. Ask what you want to know.",he stated and it sounded almost like he was challenging Andrew. To see if he really had the balls to confront him. 

"Did you try to kill yourself because of the dreams?", Andrew asked simply, not giving in so easily.

Ronan smiled. This smile was a dangerous thing. It wasn't appealing to Andrew, something about it was wrong. It reminded Andrew of his own manic grin. That's the thing, most parts of Ronan that repulsed Andrew were things that he had in common with him. They were too similar.

" Shame. You almost had it right. ", Ronan smirked, leaning back in his chair.

"So that's a no. Was it because of your asshole brother?", Andrew continued to ask. He was pretty sure that the stuff with the sleep deprivation drugs could be considered abuse and after how spun out Ronan had been at Juvie, it wasn't a stretch to believe that he'd blame his brother.

"Good guess, I actually led him to believe that which made him a lot less asshol-y.", Ronan admitted, his voice nonchalant, like he didn't care. Andrew didn't fucking buy it. " But no, you're getting colder.", Ronan warned before lifting his drink to his mouth and hesitating. "Why do you care, exactly?", He then asked, narrowing his eyes at Andrew. Like he just wondered about this now.

That was an easy question to answer because the truth was simple. "Because I fucking hate secrets and your group has a ton of them.", Andrew stated. Secrets had almost gotten Neil killed. Andrew was sick of them.

Ronan watched him for a while, just sucking on his straw and thinking things over. Andrew waited patiently, not letting his annoyance show.

Then, finally Ronan put his glass down and leaned forward, towards Andrew. "The truth is this. ", He started, leaning in even closer. His stare was intense. "I didn't fucking try to kill myself.", He stated, his voice sharp and annoyed. Then he leaned back again. " Do you remember the nightmare I dreamt?", He then asked before Andrew could even wonder if he was for real.

The white, feathery thing with broken wings, black blood and a boy's face? Yeah, Andrew could recall it vaguely. "No, I totally forgot about it.", He replied sarcastically.

Ronan rolled with his eyes before laying one of his arms on the table between them, his wrist facing up, displaying all his scars in the bright neon lights of the club.

"Well, it wasn't the first of its kind and they usually have claws. ", He explained and Andrew understood but Ronan still formed his free hand into a claw-like shape before placing his nails along where the scars started and yanking his hand down, simulating how the creatures had slashed him open. "You see?", He then asked, pulling his arms away from view. 

"You can't really explain that to anyone though.", He then added, his tone turning bitter. He picked his drink up again and took a swig of it. "No officer, I didn't slash my arms open, it was the nightmare bird I pulled out of my dreams.", He then imitated, pitching his voice higher and whinier than it actually was. "Saying that would've probably gotten me stuck in a ward for a bit longer than 72 hours. ", Ronan finally snorted.

"Shit. ", Andrew simply remarked. He hadn't even thought of that but now that he knew he remember Blue saying that Ronan had been attacked by his own creations more than once. Of course Ronan had to pretend that the suicide attempt was real, who else would believe the truth?

"That was before I figured out that I can control it, and before I got my emergency plan of just creating a copy of myself for the night terror to sink it's teeth into.", Ronan then added with a simple shrug and Andrew decided to not mention it and instead process the fact that Ronan had the ability to clone himself and use those clones as cannon fodder by himself. "But anyways. Gansey spend a year freaking out every time I was left unattended. It was annoying as fuck. ", He chuckled and once again Andrew got the feeling that Gansey was the dad-friend of the raven cycle.

"Gansey, that's Blue's tree-zombie boyfriend, right?", Andrew asked, even though he knew the answer to that. 

"You know about that?", Ronan asked. He didn't seem startled, just a little surprised and it drove Andrew nuts. He wanted Ronan to be the freaked out one. Normally Andrew felt pretty competent, no matter the situation. But with Ronan and his stupid friends he always felt like a fish out of water, no, a fish on Mars. 

"Yeah, she and I had a little run in on the roof and she told me more about you guys. You're so goddamn weird. ", Andrew snarled. Ronan wasn't intimidated. Infuriating. Then again, how was he supposed to scare someone who battled literal textbook monsters.

"That's an understatement. Should I be concerned that you're hanging out with my friend, on a roof no less?", Ronan then asked and it the end he actually seemed genuine. It was pretty apparent that whatever bond Ronan had with his crew, he took it very seriously.

"We weren't exactly hanging out. Blue was having a panic attack so you should probably be more concerned with her than me.", Andrew replied honestly. Maybe Ronan's perpetual honesty was rubbing off on him. Or maybe his empathy was tuning back in, he felt a little more... Maybe Blue was slipping up, maybe because she was a little tipsy. Could her powers leak?

"I'm not concerned with you, you're the one that can't seem to back off.", Ronan simply stated before getting up from his chair. "Anyways, I'm sick of you, no offence. I'm gonna search for my boyfriend now. ", He explained before immediately disappearing in the crowd. As much as Andrew hated that Ronan had had the last word, he was also pretty satisfied that his assumption about Ronan and Adam had turned out correct.

It wasn't that important anyways because not even a second later Neil appeared by Andrew's side and all of Andrew's focus shifted to Neil.

"It's like you're trying to make me jealous. ", The other man remarked and Andrew could tell that he was only half kidding. Somehow Neil had become considerably worse at lying to Andrew. Or maybe he had just stopped making an effort.

"Get your head out of your ass. I'm just trying to figure them out. ", Andrew replied before giving Neil a playful shove that Neil returned.

"I know, I know.", He then sighed, staring into the crowd on the dancefloor. Andrew followed his line of sight and spotted the raven trio all dancing side by side, unaware that they were being watched, carefree for now.

"Is it just me or do you also feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg? Like, even though we know what we know now, we also know nothing?", Neil suddenly asked and Andrew considered agreeing with him for a moment. But then that would mean that he'd have to admit that he couldn't get them out of his fucking head.

"You shouldn't think about it so much, you're not good at that. ", He replied instead, turning his head to look at Neil. 

His reply made Neil grin. Andrew loved that grin, he loved it when he made him happy. Andrew loved-

"Fuck you.",Neil smirked and Andrew allowed himself a ghost of a smile.

"You, too. "


End file.
